Uncharted.

So back to another week at school. The weekend at home was relaxing (sort of) but short-lived. I wish i coulda stayed longer. I didn't realize how much I missed the weather in Delaware. Booful. Absolutely booful. And boy, did i miss my mother. I didn't realize until the middle of the summer how much of a security blanket she is to me. She's one of the few people I let my guard down in front of. Getting ready to leave home was a bit sad. I had this feeling that I didn't remember having since freshmen year when I was going back to school after winter break. I didn't wanna go back and deal with the roommates I didn't like living with. The feeling I had today was reminiscent of that time. But by the time I got onto the shuttle bus (yeah, itty bitty shuttle bus took me back to the city) I was fine and ready to deal with the shit i had to deal with. Mostly Sheila, remember her? Hopefully she'll make it outta the garage tomorrow night when my man power comes back to help :)

Coinciding with how I'm feeling, I got an e-mail from iTunes saying my pre-order of Sara Bareilles' new album "Kaleidoscope Heart" was available to be downloaded. Despite my Mac sucking ass now that it's closing in on 4 years of age, I was able to download the entire album but one song  - "Gonna Get Over You"...appropriate to be on my playlist considering I fall hard at times...only infatuation tho :)

A song that came on that I thought described my life where it is now, which is in a black and empty abyss, was necessary to play as I typed away. Hence, I named this entry after the name of the song. The lyrics be here fo' you to read...definitely give the song a listen too:

"Uncharted" by Sara Bareilles
Ah-h, ah-ah-ah-h...No words, My tears won't make any room for more, and it
Don't hurt, like anything I've ever felt before, this is
No broken heart,
No familiar scars,
This territory goes uncharted...

Oh-h-h, Oh-h.

Just me, in a room sunk down in a house in a town, where/and I                  
Don't breathe, though I never meant to let it get away from me
Now, too much to hold, everybody has to get their hands on gold,
And I want uncharted.
Stuck under the ceiling I made, I can't help but feeling...

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
I can show me where to go,
I'm already out, a foolproof idea, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's all uncharted...

La la la-a-a-a.
Oh-h-h-h-h.

Each day, countin' up the minutes, 'til I get along, 'cause I can't stay           
In the middle of it all, it's nobody's fault, but I'm
So low, never knew how much I didn't know,                                          
Oh, everything is uncharted.
I know I'm getting nowhere, when I only sit and stare like...

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
I can show me where to go,
I'm already out, a foolproof idea, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's all uncharted.

Jump start my kaleidoscope heart,
Love to watch the colors fade,
They may not make sense,
But they sure as hell made me.

I won't go as a passenger, no-o
Waiting for the road/room to be laid,
Though I may be going down,
I'm taking flame, over burning out...

Compare, where you are, to where you wanted to be, and you'll get, nowhere...

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
I can show me where to go,
I'm already out, a foolproof idea, so don't ask me how
To get started, Oh-h-h
I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
I can show me where to go,
I'm already out, a foolproof idea, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's aaaaaall uncharted...

La la la-a-a-a.
Oh-h-h-h.


This song is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3WbyPOB_MwI'm sure I'll have other songs on the soundtrack of my life but this one resonates to me now. I'm hoping this week will be a lot better than the stressful, heart-attacky, enough-tears-to-fill-an-olympic-sized-pool kinda week. I'll be ya updated ;)


***Awkward sitch moment***
Okay, so on the way back to New Ro, I was on a train from Grand Central and an older man (roughly in his 30s) with a belly (what i like to call Chub Rub) came onto the train either on the Harlem or Fordham stop. He was on his mobile as I was on my ipod. He asks me something. I didn't hear so I take out a headphone and ask what he said. He begins to speak en espanol. Si, en espanol. "Tu es dominicana?" Again, the fact that I'm racially ambiguous, this would happen to me. 


"No, soy a...uhhh...Filipino." He looks baffled. Whatever. I'm a few stops away from getting back and this shit stumbles upon me. So the rest of the train ride turns into this sad excuse for Rosetta Stone as I try to explain to this man that I am not Hispanic, that I am a student in New Rochelle, and that I AM NOT HISPANIC for the nth time! He clearly does not speak a lick of English as he tries to find alternative ways of asking me questions (you know, easy Spanish...like Spanish 123). He asks me if I've ever been to Santo Domingo and if I work, and if I have a boyfriend. I'm dumbfounded at the questions until he asks me in Spanish if i want to go to Santo Domingo with him. Great, I would get into one of these situtations circa that movie Maria Full of Grace. Like do I have "desperate pregnant teen looking for money" stamped on my racially ambiguous forehead? I don't fucking think so! 

He proceeds to ask me for my number after my dumb ass tells him I have no boyfriend. My dumb ass responds by saying "Lo siento, este es de mi amiga. No es mi telefono." He gets this ohh-ok-she's-not-falling-for-it look on his face. It was silent for the rest of the trip, which i thought would be short. I leave with a final "Adios" and out the train i swiftly walk. Of course, the only men who approach me either wanna find out what the fuck i am ethnically, or wanna sell me into a drug trafficking occupation because I look like I'm twelve and naive. I've got a lot going for me when it comes to soulmate compatibility.