New Year, New Me...I hope?

As the end of 2010 is vastly approaching, there comes that annual New Years Resolution shit that most people feel inspired to do, or at least start. Goals for me tend to go unfinished. I don't know what it is but I just never really finish what I started and if I do, it's far from being on time. I still have goals that I've made for myself years ago that aren't even close to being met. Call me weak, call me lazy. But hey, I've happened to keep this blog going. I thought I'd get excited in the beginning, as I do with a majority of my goals and blog everyday. I did just that. Then I went off track but not necessarily. If I didn't blog one day, I'd blog the next day sometimes with more than one post. Sometimes I'll blog everyday for a week more than once a day! And it's not like many people read this so I guess I really am doing this blog for myself as I intended, and if anyone was interested in reading what goes on through my head, then awesome :)

Here are few goals or aspirations that I hope to fulfill this year:
- Lose a few lb's*
*everyone wants to lose weight. I remember when I used to work at my old gym, everyone would be signing up for new memberships. Majority of the time, these new members would have kids they would check into Childcare, the department where I worked. So instead of the regular members who came in on a daily basis with their little ones, I also had new members coming in and those people with memberships that were starting to collect dust from not coming in for a while. Work would be a lot messier, a lot louder, and a lot more miserable. Huff. [[Needless to say, I loved that job & I love kids]]
- Take opportunities career-wise, relationship-wise, etc.
- Work more (ha!)
- Manage my spending (double ha!)
- Take risks

There are certainly others and these are not goals that are set in stone...just yet. I should make the goals above something to deeply think about and attempt to do. But in all serious I really do want to make changes with my life this coming new year. I want to be comfortable in my own skin, do things I normally wouldn't do (hopefully with the support of close friends and family), feel accomplished and successful for once in a long time, all the while not forgetting who my friends and family are. Senior year is tough and sometimes all we want to do is go to bed after a long day. But we can't get these college years back unless we attempt to fail numerous times just to stay in college a little longer. But I've spent enough of my mother's money on more than just college...and shoes.

This is going to be easier said than done. But this is my plan and I will do something with my life this semester. I just know it :)

Have a Happy New Year!!!!! 

There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home...

Since I moved up to New Gross this past July I've always had this I-can't-wait-to-go-home feeling whenever long weekends or hoildays came. For some reason I looked forward to coming home for a few days rather than staying at school, where I'd be 21, hanging out with friends, going to the city, and basically that whole having fun without having to tell your parents you're leaving the house or having to clean up your room before being able to go somewhere. I was freeeeeeeee. Huff. This semester was a whirlwind of emotions for me. There was always something that had to be dealt with and mainly it wasn't anything good. I went away for college to escape from my small town and get out of the state in general and maybe learn a few things on my own. It was tough to begin with and it still is, especially when you forget something at home and have to wait until the next long weekend or holiday to go get it*
*unless it's of dire importance and has to be shipped...like a vibrator. JUST KIDDINGGGGG. 


Hilarious SIDENOTE
I recently wrote this on Red's wall:
"sooo i'm kinda in a dilemma. not so much a dilemma but annoyed at something. something i'm trying that's kinda new and is going to take me this coming semester to try out. And no, it's not roller derby (although I wish it was that). MISS YOU SOOO"

My friend DJ Pauly D (the better than the real one) commented on my wall post with this:
"you're so brave for coming out on facebook."

I replied:
"Thanks baby!!"


I really sound like a closeted lesbian don't I? Huff. Who am I kidding, I just confessed my love for Kate French yesterday. This post is quite homosexual and it doesn't even have to do with sexual orientation.

ANYWAYS BACK TO MY POST ABOUT HAOME!

Since 8th grade I knew I didn't want to go to University of Delaware not only because it was fifteen minutes from my house (where my mom would probably visit every weekend and offer to do my laundry) and not only because I was most likely going to see half of my graduating class as well as graduates from other nearby Delaware high schools. But also because I knew that I wanted to do something in Mass Communication and the best place to get my foot in the door would be in the mecca of all places Media-oriented...NEW YAWK CITY. I applied to several colleges in the state: Syracuse, Marist, Marymount Manhattan College, the college I currently attend, and on a whim motivated by my mother, NYU. Granted, I wasn't accepted to either NYU or Syracuse (no duhh), was wait-listed at Marist* (ouch), and hated Marymount Manhattan (nice location, but super expensive & super small). I was waiting to hear from American University in D.C. BEAUTIFUL CAMPUS, my ideal size population, located within a metropolitan city, somewhat prestigious, AND diverse.
*when I received my wait-list letter it was addressed to some guy I actually ended up having a Sociology class with freshmen year. We were both put in the same group for a project and I remember him asking, "Did you apply to Marist?" I said, "Yeah, I think I got your letter." "Yeah, I got yours," he said. We both shared the same name. Both applied to Marist. Both got wait-listed. And both ended up going to the same college anyways. SMALL FUCKING WORLD. 

I was accepted to American University :)

But the financial aid package was not going to cut it for my family who was going through financial difficulty at the worst time. I remember crying in our computer room when my mom had to tell me I couldn't go. This was worse than finding out Santa Claus wasn't real. "You can go to a great college for grad school," she told me. HA! I kissed my graduate school aspirations goodbye around the end of my sophomore year of the college I ended up going to, which I'm glad to say I love. Even though it was a safety school to begin with.

SO BACKKKK TO HOME

Before when I would come home, I would want to visit my friends and hang out and go to house parties and just have fun with them, catching up on old times and talking about college. Now, I don't even see said friends, let alone keep in touch with them. If I do, it turns into one of those "Yeah, let's def get together when you're home for break!" that actually never happens. I opt to stay at home, with my parents, and do nothing. AND I AM TOTALLY OKAY WITH THAT. I think the tough times and stress of college really take its toll on me now. I come home sighing with relief when I pull my car into the driveway - my mom still watches out the window anticipating my arrival and still comes out and helps me bring my dirty laundry in. I sit at the kitchen table and catch up with my parents on my busy life collegiate life. I sleep in my own bed that is soo comfy I don't want to get out of it. I look around the house to see if anything has changed and for the most part, it hasn't. It's still that cozy townhouse I've grown up in. I'm home :)

So when I get ready to go back to school, I have this sad feeling that looms over me the night before. I dread the next day when I'll have to pack up my car with clean clothes, a full tank of gas, and having to say bye while holding back tears. I just get so sad and it kills me. I truly relish in those visits home that tend to go by faster than the season. It's a relief to get out of the business of my routine life. But sometimes it's okay to go back to it too, feeling refreshed. Even though I enjoy coming home, I still wish my mom didn't put the laundry away in my drawers at the ASS CRACK of dawn.

It's been a lovely winter break in Delaware 2010. Until next year.

You sexy thanggg

This song is totally appropriate...PLAY

French. The language is sexy. The dressing is tasty. The word is my creature friend Pony's last name. And this fine azz creature has the same last name too: Kate French.

MY GOD SHE IS FINE. I WOULD GO GAY FOR HER. And that's not even saying much because there are a lot of hot women I would sleep with. Yes, I am admitting that to whoever reads this.

Although not many of you have heard of her, you may have seen her in a few episodes of Gossip Girl, South of Nowhere, One Tree Hill, Wicked Wicked Games among other television appearances. She also played a hot cheerleading captain in Fired Up! and had a quickie appearance in Accepted. But she's probably mostly known for her character Niki Stevens on Showtime's The L Word.

Yeah...that show about West Hollywood lesbians. 

I've seen some episodes of that show. And let's just say she knows how to kiss a woman let alone looks good doing it. HAWT. (Oh, and the show ain't that bad. It's fulllll of drama and scandal...and vaginas).

She kinda resembles The Graduate star Katherine Ross (pictured @ right). Gawrrr-jusss.

She most certainly will go far and marry someone equally hot or stick to some cute scruffy dude and they'll have cute kids who'll probably do Paul Mitchell hair product commercials (my friend Bubba was a Paul Mitchell baby when she was younger...a step above those Gerber babies). 

This is for all of my male followers who read my blog :) Enjoy.

Getting it right?

Play this please & put the ipod to the right on pause...

I continued to try to get my life "right" in Heather McElhatton's novel Pretty Little Mistakes a few times more before going to bed last night. Aside from deciding to turn down a marriage to a meth distributor and dying in Africa, I got a small clinic in Georgia off of its feet with the help of some rich old women and I became a famous celebrity who married another woman and lived happily ever after (before an untimely, Thelma & Louise-style descent off of a cliff in a classic car...together of course) in another life. I kept saving pages just in case I died after only making a few decisions. I often measured how long my life would last by how many decisions I was able to make before I ended up dying. This added to the excitement each decision had...most of the time it was me preparing myself for some awful way of dying as if I was in one of those Final Destination movies. I guess dying in Africa beats being impaled in the eye by a fire escape any day of the week.

I read the book and chose between two different paths, flipping through the pages not knowing what was to come after deciding which route to take. I went to California one time then proceeded to try my luck in Europe after that. I decided to turn down a marriage proposal in one life and decided to stick to a dead-end job in another life. Either way I went, I thought about these decisions as if they were real. What if I had to decide between going to college or traveling after graduating high school, which choice would I make. Or between going on a date with someone who saved me from a sticky situation or turning him down?

I know I probably won't have to get stuck with those exact choices but I'm sure I'll have to make very important decisions with my life in due time, especially since winter break seems to be flying past me and my final semester of college is gonna hit me like an 18-wheeler (that's probably going 80 miles per hour).

Despite this stress I'm bound to experience I know I'm going to be okay. My mom has always told me that whatever situation she finds herself in, she knows what to do. She may not know at the moment but she knows she is going to be okay with whatever decision she does make. She doesn't always get it right or make the right choice but no matter what choice she makes, she knows what moves to make after that. Her resilience inspires me to NOT freak out like a 3-year old child even though I know I will find myself in stressful situations where all I wanna do is cry and have her hold me and assure that I'm going to be just fine. But it's my turn to maintain clear composure and do things on my own. When I called her freaking out last Friday about coming home and being anxious she said to me, "You said you needed to grow up. Why are you crying? I know you're sad but you're going to be okay. You need to relax."

She was right. Not only because I was getting ready to drive home in this state of anxious rush but also because I was going to be okay. I just needed time to collect myself before making some moves. And that's what I'll have to do when I make decisions on my own in the future. I need to take a deep breath, look at the situation, and decide...on my own and for myself. Of course, there will be those times where I'll need my girlfriends' opinions about guys, dresses, and the like. A close friend has told me before, "You went with your gut, and that itself is a good decision." So, going with gut, and maybe my head and heart if need be, I'm going to decide. And be okay with those decisions.

Pretty Little Mistakes

My roommate lent me this book I started reading today. I picked it up around 4:55pm. And finished it at 5:10pm. The book was 504 pages long. No, I really did finish it. At least one of the endings. See, the book has one beginning and 150 different endings. It's all about how we are in control of our own destiny. The author, Heather McElhatton, calls it her book, Pretty Little Mistakes, a "Do-Over Novel." Because after you finish it, you have the option, the choice, of going back to the start to "do-over" your life. What if you decided to make the other choice? How would your life turn out then?

The rules of the book were simple:
- Don't read the book straight through
- Try not to turn back
- And remember, good behavior is not necessarily rewarded, and sometimes bad decisions can lead to wonderful (and not so wonderful) results.

My first time around ended rather quickly (if you plan on reading the book, I suggest you stop reading this).

I made the decision to go to college, major in Art, cheat on my boyfriend, join a hedonistic art tribe, and in the process I got raped, took kickboxing courses and after seeing my rapist years later, I die of a heart attack right before I testify. Some life huh?

My second time around wasn't so hot either. I major in Science this time. I get so caught up in the schoolwork that I'm the one cheated on, drop out and go back home, can't find work, become an alcoholic, get arrested for manslaughter, and go to rehab where I meet the man of my dreams. But even that turns out awry because I get hit by a bus years later and die. Mind you, the bus was on time.

Third times a charm right?

I figured this time around, I'm gonna make some brash decisions. Like the book said, destiny is officially in my hands. But as always, each choice I made either came with a consequence or a reward (most of the time, it involved something shitty). My third attempt, my third "pretty little mistake" involved some California dreamin', and some sleeping around to get what I wanted (or in this case, what I needed but didn't have the money to pay for). Hey, I oftentimes joked about sleeping around to get a leg up in life (no pun intended...maybe?) so this was a way of sorta seeing that through. God, I am such a slut at times. Or at least think like one.  The pretty little mistake was short-lived because I was shot point blank in the face by some unstable kid while his younger brother tried to sell me a candy bar for their local Boys & Girls Club. A Lifetime Original movie? Yeah, but not about me.

This book makes me rethink the decisions I made even though I'm playing with fiction. I'm up in arms after reading a little into each choice and find out something goes terribly wrong and it's up to me to try to pick up the pieces with the next choice. Life is like a game sometimes. A game of strategy. Let's just hope my real life doesn't involve my death when I'm trying to do something right like help out a local Boys & Girls Club for instance. Or having to sleep with someone on my way up the ladder of success. Well, maybe if they're cute ;)

Top 5 YouTube Videos of the Day

I went link crazy on my friends' Facebook walls. Here are 5 videos that made me laugh...

1. Sesame Street & The Origin of Om nom nom nom


2. Women Falls


3. This is Sad...But I Laughed So Hard


4. Asian baby enjoys her lunch n music


5. Baby scared by toe socks

Us (Me & Mrs. Officer)

A few months ago, a good friend of mine DJ Pauly D (not the real one, but the better one) put a link on my wall for an album download: (500) Days of Weezy. It was a compilation of Weezy mashups with songs from the 500 Days of Summer soundtrack. This was a great mashup of Regina Spektor's "Us" & Weezy's "Mrs. Officer". Have fun! And watch the movie, it's one of my favorites.

Unpretty, unclean, and utterly horrifying

I recently finished a book (yeah, I read here and there). Granted I bought it over Thanksgiving break and read through all of it, leaving a chapter for me to finish a few nights ago. I hate that habit I have with literature; I just can't seem to finish things accordingly...so I guess I hate that habit I have with a lot of things.

The book I speak of is called "Dirty Girls" by Gillian Telling, a sex columnist for Maxim mag.

The book had more to do than just sex. It was "a no-holds-barred look at the hilarious underbelly of what it means to be female." And in some cases, it was TRUE. Apart from being funny, it got down to the nitty gritty as to why we females do certain things when guys aren't around and involved first-hand accounts from the author as well as female friends of hers.

Some of the themes discussed in the book were (as seen on the back cover):

• Even though we pluck, we wax, and we put on war paint to mask our blemishes, we also regularly watch porn.
• We wear our bikini bottoms when we run out of clean underwear*
• When we're alone, we eat Cheetos and peanut butter on a spoon for dinner**

*I prefer to wear none to be honest. 

**I'll make homemade guac in five minutes and eat that by itself along with a glass of wine. 

The author also provided a note stating that if the women who read this book would like to keep their men thinking they are beautiful, undigusting creatures, then to keep this book away from them. OR have their men read it to clue them in on a few things about us ladiezzz. 

Telling tells it how it is and isn't afraid to be blunt. I don't know if any other dirty girls read this book but if they did, they'd probably blush in embarrassment (trust me, I did). 

Some highlights I can't help but share (this will hopefully be one of those posts you don't mind reading all the way through):

- pg. 3: Here's a riddle for you: if a woman comes home at two in the morning, eats an entire box of mac and cheese, drops the dirty pans in the sink, strips to nothing but her socks, and goes to bed without brushing her teeth, and no one is around to see it, did it really happen? (Hint: nope.)

- pg. 15: Remember that book we all read when we were kids called Everyone Poops? It featured a little boy who was learning how to use a toilet and talked about how rabbits pooped, cats pooped, and even giraffes pooped! Yeah - giraffes. But what was the one thing it didn't mention? Girls who pooped. I mean come on! Even beautiful flawless women like Gisele Bundchen will have to take a mean dump after some scoops of Monday Night Football chili at the Brady household.*

*you should hear the kind of conversations Tor and I have on this subject matter (sorry, Tor haha), which was also covered in this chapter: the fact that women talk to each other about the "grossest" things. Oh, and I like to pee outside...for some reason it's just I don't know..nice? This chapter is a must-read.

- pg. 28: We hate that salads and everything good for you never fills us up the way pizza does [...] We are supposed to keep fresh fruits and veggies and string cheese and yogurt on hand at all time for snacks. Maybe a handful of raw almonds when we're feeling peckish! [...] Almonds? Sure, but we get those slated wasabi tins of them and down them in a single sitting*

*slightly true. My favorite flavored almonds are the wasabi-soy sauce ones (and no, it's not because I'm part Asian). But I also keep healthy snacks on hand like yogurt and string cheese. But I'm also guilty of keeping hefty bottles of alcohol chilled as well.

- pg. 44: Not much can compare to the love I have for men, but nothing can match the closeness that women have with their female compatriots. We tell each other everything. 

Chapter 3 (The Truth About Dirty Girls and Their Friends), included a few conversations that served as prime examples of the things we talk to our girlfriends about...

Conversation 1

"Hey Gillian, do you want to go to 2A for Jenny's birthday drinks?"

          "Sure. Did I ever tell you I once had sex in those bathrooms?"

"So funny, I did too!"

Conversation 3

"So not to be TMI, but last night Sam went down on me and it was the best I've ever had in my life."

          "Boy Sam or girl Sam?"

"Girl Sam. I spent the night."

          "Oh, sweet. Are you guys a couple now?"

"I don't know. She says she's not ready for a relationship. But I really want to fuck her all the time."

          "So what happened with boy Sam?"

"Oh, he still sends me dirty texts all day long. I don't think I can sleep with him - he dated porn stars when he lived in LA. I think he has a dirty dick."

          "Yeah, the last thing you need is crabs."

"Totes."

The book also included talk about platonic friends, friends with benefits, the lies we tell (this doesn't make us untrustworthy), one night stands, porn-watching habits, how to impress us (and what not to do), sexual positions, erectile dysfunction, dirty talk*, when we fall in love and when we fall out of it, marriage & children, & DJ Diddle - you'll just have to read the book I guess to find out who that is ;)

* "I wanna pepper your belly with kisses" is NOT okay to say in the sack. 

Each chapter ends with a section entitled, "Have your male friend read this" allowing for them to know a little more about us; what to do, what not to do, etc. 

Funny, vulgar, and honest. The book was a great read and I'm sure I'll have a few of my fellow dirty girls lining up to borrow it. Oh, and I'm sure there's some pathetic excuse for men to read on how to bring girls home. I'm not saying all men are like that but it's kinda hard to think otherwise when some male friends like to talk about how they wanna bone a chick who walks by right in front of me, or when some creepy kid says to me, "I'm into whatever you're into!" (this did happen two years ago at a bar. some drunk child came up to me and said that to me. I laughed then walked away. We're friends on Facebook still). 

Rest your weary heads, all is well.

It's Christmas Eve and I'm killing time waiting to go to Midnight Mass - as well as see my dad's debut with the church choir! Yeah, a little before Thanksgiving he joined the church choir after much coaxing by middle-aged women who heard him sing in Mass before. He didn't tell me until I saw him leaving last Wednesday night to go out somewhere.

"Where are you going?" I ask.
"Choir practice." He says.
"Choir practice?" I ask confused.
"Yeah, I have choir practice." He says as he goes down the stairs.

I said nothing. I'm kinda glad he's doing something with his free time besides selling and trading his old baseball cards on eBay. Yeah, my dad does that too. I think if I was younger, I'd be embarrassed that he's in the church choir. But good for him.
                                                                                                                           

I was listening to this song that I believe describes a city that I am fortunate enough to live near: NYC.

I don't know what it is about this "city that never sleeps" but it brings everyone from everywhere to it. The history, the culture, the buildings, the attractions, the shows, the food, the people, the stars, the art, the chaos of it all intrigues me and I love it. I hope to one day live in that beautiful place among prosti-tots and grimy hooligans and arrogant pricks that also serves as a home to aspiring singers & actors, starving artists, charming entertainers, and award-winning chefs. Even if that means I'll be residing in a hole in a wall while living off of cigarettes, ramen noodles, & vodka. Cheers, everyone.

Thugs and bad men // Punks and lifers // Fucked up interns // Pigs and snitches // Rest your weary heads, all is well // You won't be strip-searched, torn up tonight // You won't be cut up, bleeding tonight // You won't be strung out, cold, shaking to your bones // Wishing you were anywhere else but right here // So dream on // Thieves and muggers // Tricks and hustlers // Cheats and traitors // Scum and low-lives // Rest you weary heard, all is well // You won't be sad or broken tonight // You won't be squealed on, ripped up tonight // You won't be back-stabbed, double cross, face down // Teeth knocked out, lying in a gutter somewhere // So dream on // Freaks and junkies // Fakes and phonies // Drunks and cowards // Manic preachers // Rest your weary heads, all is well // You won't be pushed or messed with tonight // You won't be lied to, ruffed up tonight // You won't be insane, paranoid, obsessed // Aimlessly wandering through the dark night // 
So dream on.


Happy Christmas and good tidings to you and your kin :)

American Dog Days Are Over

I recently read up on a friend's posts. Like me, she takes music seriously. Well, some of it (when it comes to people shitting on her favorite jams).

I guess many people can consider me one of those pretentious music lovers who always wants to take note of how I heard a song wayyy before it got popular. Yeah, that's me. It can annoy people and it probably does but how can I not pride myself on my love of music and the fact that my pet iPod Kramer (yeah, that's his name and it's not because I'm a Seinfeld fan. I don't even fucking watch re-runs of that show) is a musical Bible of sorts? I'm rambling. Mehhhhh

Since Christmas is right around the corner and I'm feeling generous, I'd like to share with those who take time out of their busy schedules to read my blog a lovely mashup I found on the Internet*
*the source however I am not sharing because I am veryyy particular about who I share my music with. For some reason I don't like to give away all my favorite tunes in fear that it'll spread like wildfire and I won't get any credit for giving it haha. I'm so weird and childish; a Grinch of sorts? Maybe. A Scrooge a majority of time outside of Christmas? Umm, yeah pretty much. But wait! I come bearing musical gifts in the form of a great download I'm sure you could easily find online.



Don McLean vs Florence + The Machine - American Days Are Over (mashup) from Reborn Identity on Vimeo.

Don couldn't have sang it any better...
Do you believe in rock ’n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to dance real slow? 

Well, music certainly saves my soul :)

Oh, and for the record, I named my iPod Kramer because if you rearrange the letters in the name, it spells the word "marker."

I can hear the grasshoppers cricket already. Happy Holidays!

cards I'm dealt.

I'm not a fan of gambling. My post about my trip to AC a few weeks ago kinda showed it. It's complicated and it requires a lot of thinking and strategy. It also involves upset and uncertainty. We never know what kind of cards we'll be dealt. LIFE IS THE EXACT SAME WAY.

I know I could be going on yet another rant at how I just don't understand how or why I'm in the situations I'm in or why "my life sucks" as we have all thought numerous times in our lives. But shit, I am exhausted at trying to figure out why time after time I'm just being dealt some pretty shitty cards and having to fold time and time again.

I'm over-exaggerating but this is MY blog and I am free to bitch and complain if I feel the need to. It's not like I'm calling you up with tears in my eyes, complaining about it. Feel free to skip what may seem like something you're in no mood to be emotional about.

To delve into details at why I'm feeling this way is something I'm not ready to share with my followers just yet. I'll just say it is yet another example as to why, even after I take the initiative to make some hopefully great changes in my life and for this upcoming new year, I am still folding at every single round.

It's kinda like Black Jack too (since we're on the whole gambling theme here). I get dealt what I think are pretty promising cards, and before you know it, I'm either under or over 21. Shit. There go my chips.

I'm still trying to figure out when I should cash out my "winnings" (Ha-fucking-ha!). I'm still new to the game so we'll see how long I go at these said changes and see where they take me. All I know is that I don't have enough to get myself a yacht so I can just escape to a far off land where avocados thrive and sexy people just want to cater to me 24/7. Oh, and maybe I'll have a dog to play with too.

The only thing I can do is be grateful for what I have and just. keep. waiting.

I'm sorry. I can't keep my followers on a whim at guessing what I'm talking about...I am just SICK of the "potential" or lack thereof at finding...someone. Singledom is nice and a friend told me to embrace it but when it comes down to it, it's not what I want. I'm bored and I need some freshness, maybe from someone I won't see all the time on campus.

Note for future blog posts: I've come to the self-realization that I am picky & shallow.

To get out of the shitty mood, I may watch some stand up by Ellen Degeneres. I listened to her HBO stand-up special Here & Now on the way to AC. I almost pissed myself in the back of my friend Andrew's car as I listened to her.

Grand opening genius.

A lot of things fascinate me but I find this grand opening of a store to be uber fascinating and an example of creative genius. Back in November, clothing company H&M opened a flagship store in Amsterdam that the company has considered it's "Best Store Ever." The opening party for the store included this sick light show.



And the music added to it's awesomeness. I would one day want to be part of something creative like that. Cross thy fingers that Julesy gets her chance at mega-creativedom in the Advertising world post-graduation :D

to clear things up.

I didn't mention I went on a few dates with Peas from previous posts because he stumbled upon my blog way back when we first met. Knowing this, I refrained from mentioning him until now. I figured since he saw that I talked about him before (back in the Vampire Weekend concert post in September), he'd be taking regular looks at my blog. I know I shouldn't care who views my blog because it is my full of my own thoughts and something I created for myself. I have thought What if he sees these blog posts?, but I'm sure he can share his own thoughts about me with his new girlfriend ;)

And for the record, we were never anything more than a few dates. 2 and a half to be exact. Two dinners (our first dinner date comprised of a movie as well) and a meeting for coffee. 

Konichiwa, Bitches.

Semi-productive day compared to previous days that I've been home. I knew I had to make some moves. So I went for a run outside. I was more prepared this time with multiple layers and high socks. And one of those spiffy ear warmer things my grandmother got me last Christmas. I never wore one before. I kinda looked like an uber winter trackstar and I wanted to laugh at my reflection as I passed some cars on my street. I bounced to the new tunes as I ran at a jogger's pace. Low rate workouts burn fat anyways so I wasn't concerned about speed. I'm gonna do it again tomorrow before I go see what the college town or Newark is up to when I visit my fwiend Stephy Poo near campus.

I was kinda bitchy today when dealing with someone annoying. I don't know how to act when it comes to annoying people. And at this point, I could give two shits what he thought of me at this point. Someone I'll name Peas texted me a few days ago asking "Um, did you delete me from you bbm friends?"

This is what I did when I read it....ahahahahaha. ha. Then proceeded to pack for home when I had that freak out sesh about going home. I didn't have time to respond nor did I want to. I wanted to leave it at that. I figured he'd get the picture if no response was said. I could've said many things but I just couldn't be bothered. Days passed until this afternoon when I was scoping out some new tuneage to feed Kramer with. It was from Peas. Ugh really? Pleeeeaaaasssssee leave me alone!!!! I thought. At this point I was annoyed...even though it was the second time he texted me. I have a short fuse I guess, especially with people who annoy me.

Peas: Not even gonna respond? U can't honestly b pissed off I have a gf now. Cuz I kinda ran that by u lol
Me: Not pissed actually :). I'm doing veryyyy well. I don't recall you running that by me considering I stopped talking to you a long time ago
P: I told u i liked u but I was also talking to another girl and u pretty much said to do what I needed to do cuz u weren't rly looking for anything. It's just the principle that u delete my bbm like we're in high school. Like rly? Lol

I really (rly) wanted to tell him to learn how to spell...fucking Grad student. 

Me: I'm glad things worked out tho bc u & I werent going anywhere. Its a little childish that u make a big deal about me deleting ur bbm when u still have my number. There isn't a difference you still have my phone number
P: I kno its jusr the principle of u seemingly having a problem w/ me when it was clear it wasn't going anywhere
Me: I don't have a problem with you. Don't assume that I do. Regardless of the principle, my phone, my choice. Byeeeee
P: Ill go one step further and delete ur number. be friendlier to ppl, just sayin.
M: No problem at all. Tis the season :)

And that was that. Cry, Peas, cry. What's sucks is that he probably thought I was putting up a defense mechanism by saying it didn't bother me. And there was no point of picking a fight, I was exhausted from hearing from him. I stated my case as quickly as I could considering I was just about to go for a run and didn't wanna come back to a person I felt I should say something to.*  I wanted him to stop contacting me, so with my "charm" told him to tis the season at the end of it (read convo below). But honestly, my fans, I was being serious. It was starting to become one of those things where you get text messages from people you don't want to hear from. And I'm glad that he moved on and found someone super quick after he said he "just got out of a really long relationship and wanted to just have fun for now." I'm so glad he doesn't go to my school. Woof that'd be so much worse.
*nowadays, I don't feel like arguing with people. I just can't be bothered with added stress like that in my life, especially when I want to make some changes. I kinda wanna just get my point across, hear their piece, work on it (if I feel its necessary or the relationship is important to me), and go on with life. Some people would consider this as my not caring but it's more about not caring for unnecessary stresses when a situation can be handled better and differently. 

Maybe what I did was, or is, considered "high school" to have done. Like deleting someone off of your Facebook friend list. But then again, people do that when they need to clean up. Get rid of those "friends" who they don't talk to or don't even know at all (which is creepy). Same goes for Address books in cell phones. Those drunken numbers you get and have no idea who they after scrolling through your phone book days later. I've done both of those things. Cleaning up. And sometimes I just can't be bothered with having people in my BBM contact list. Regardless of my reasoning, it's my phone is what it comes down to. I have no obligation to take his "principle" into consideration. This is someone who has come through my life like a revolving door. And I'm fine with that. Truly, I am :)

Thanks for the free grub though, holmes.

I leave my followers with a fun song by Robyn, who is great and I've downloaded some of her songs. She's great and has this slight 80s Euro-dance-pop feel to her tunes. Loves it.

"Tape you up good and put you in the trunk/See you next tuesday cus you is a punk."

Ridiculous videos of note.

Ever see some ridiculous things on television only to find them on the Internet soon after? Of course YouTube has become the popular go-to site to all things ridiculous...in a sense of being funny or remotely stupid. Anywho, here are some videos I've been meaning to share because of their, well, ridiculousness-ish-ism...ridiculousity? You get the idea.

The first is for The Romantic Depot, an adult novelty boutique store located near my college town. You've seen these stores along half-heavy trafficked highways or in small towns where they still play with pogs or go duck-hunting or have those small mom & pop diners. I've driven past a few hear and there and even when I go home to Delaware. I'm not saying Delaware has those types of towns or anything but you kinda have an idea or an impression of where these adult boutiques would be located. I hope? Whatever, this post isn't about Delaware. Granted, it's a small state and yeah, maybe we do still play with pogs but those mom & pop diners make good cherry cobbler. Huff. Okay...

"Because the entrance is in the rear"? Are you fucking kidding me? You would put that on television? I'm pretty sure I saw this on MTV but still, you have baby prostitutes watching MTV let alone being on MTV when they get pregnant. I don't know about you guys but I live in a 3-person household both at home and at school. I know my roommates wouldn't care but my mom would certainly ask about a rear entrance if she heard the commercial and my dad would totally make a sexual joke or slur (I know this for a fact and it's not just because one of his favorite movies is Animal House). Also, we have a case of a has-been...Victoria Zdrok, FORMER Penthouse Pet, as stated in the commercial.

Another ridiculous video...or maybe it's just ridiculous for Marketing and Advertising majors...the Chex Mix product placement in an episode of The Days of Our Lives (try saying it in that dramatic soap opera-y voice, it's great). How obvious can you get?

The :30 second mark is great and I love how after she spills the salad dressing she covers the name of it so you don't know it's KEN'S STEAK HOUSE brand of salad dressing. As for the flavor...hmmm, I wanna go with a Vinaigrette of some sort. After this video plays, go ahead and look at the other products this soap opera loves to make money off of.

Cold feet.

In a literal sense, my feet are freezing. It's not so much of a problem for me. But it is annoying how they are kinda clammy AND cold. I don't want that.

Two nights ago I decided on a whim that I wanted to come home right then and there. Not, Saturday morning as I planned but at that moment. My best friend left for the city and my other roommate went home the night before so I was in our duplex alone. I've been alone before but for some reason I think it was the fact that I just wanted to be with my loved ones as they were with theirs (Gi with her family and Kayla with her boyf & family).

Right after I said goodbye to Kayla I went upstairs, walked around our living space and started dialing for home in a slight panic. I don't freak out but when I finally got a hold of my mom I kinda started to tear up...okay, fine, I actually cried saying, "I wanna come home now." She told me to relax and calm down before I leave because she didn't want me driving if I was upset and plus it was close to 9pm when I made the decision to come home.

It was a pretty busy week with a few unnecessary stresses that occurred and I was just anxious to be somewhere where I could just relax and get away from what was bothering me. Bothersome things in a sense of being in the town where this stress was occurring.*
*Getting away for a while before coming back to a stressful place is not running away...at least not to me. Everyone needs some clarity. Clarity. I like that word. 

After talking to her for a while and apologizing for being a cry baby (literally), I called my other biffle Tor Tor saying I was just gonna leave then - I figured she'd be surprised if I just up and left without informing her haha. I hurried to pack the rest of my stuff, packed the car, filled it up with gas, drank some Red Bull and was off. After commercial radio was becoming repetitive I put in T-Swift's latest album and cried when the sentimental songs and their lyrics came on as I thought about the stressful things of the past week (I don't know if I've noted this before but her lyrics speak to me and I could relate in some odd way to a majority of her songs).

I made good timing, didn't get pulled over by NJ Turnpike policia and didn't have any cars honk at me. Most importantly, I didn't fall asleep either. I was pretty exhausted the entire week from running around aimlessly and working early in the morning.

Soooo, now that I'm home, I feel a bit relaxed. There are some things that I still need to take care of and things that I'm gonna think of while I'm at home. Clear my head, make some decisions, think about the new year ahead of me and maybe re-evaluate certain areas of my life if I want to make not only my last semester of college something memorable and amazing but also the new year something to really leave an impression on my well-being...if that makes sense.

Not only is the title of the post literal but it is also meaningful to me. I shouldn't have cold feet about the changes to come in my future, whatever those changes may be. I know of some changes but not all. Some of them may be frightening at first thought and I may think I won't be able to adapt to such changes but when the time comes to tackle them is when I shall have cold feet no more. It's not a bad thing, change. If you've followed me on this blogging journey, you'll understand my thoughts on change. Or you may not. I think one thing we can all agree upon is that change happens.  

Here, I leave you with a somewhat funny/weird/awkward/thought-provoking/face-making video. Crystal Castles, a duo I'm really into and want to see this coming March, has a song named "Cry Babies." As I was proceeding to find a video file to convert to an MP3 file for the pet pod Kramer, I found this video. Not only does it make me laugh (sorta) but it sorta does the trip to pacify a crying baby, as I can be one at times. Like really? Telletubbies and Crystal Castles. I could never imagine. Their sound acquires a certain taste for all sorts of different music but I love this duo.

So uhhh...what are you gonna do after college?

I found this quote to be extremely hilarious. My friend posted it on my wall...

so i'm having mild panic attacks (ok, exaggeration, more like typical freak-outs) over what I'm going to do for next year, because of course I have no options and am going to have to go back to small town MN and be a waitress and marry a drug dealer and get preggo (not in that order) and be stuck there for the rest of ...my life, even though I have a degree from a good college, because I didn't find a job right after college and I didn't take my GRE soon enough to apply for grad school and so on and so on. Anyways, moral of the story is, I'd rather be a waitress with no prospects in NYC than in MN. So i just want you to know that I'm leaning more and more to that hole in the wall with you

I find it funny because I have absofuckinglutely no idear what I'll be doing after college. Hopefully have a job utilizing the degree I went to college for four years to get. Actually, I want that to be the case because it'll suck to go to college for four years and not have a job let alone one you went to college to hopefully do afterwards.

I just hate it when people ask me what I'm going to do after college like I know already. If I knew, I'd certainly share it with the world or whoever would ask the question, "What are you going to do after college?" But shit, I don't have a fucking clue. Sometimes, adults just think we have it all figured out since we're about to graduate. I truly wish I did so I didn't feel stressed and constipated all the frickin' time, considering I'm still searching for an internship.*
*I get constipated when I'm stressed, which puts me in a crappy mood no pun intended.

WEIRD COINCIDENCE SIDENOTE
Sooo after I wrote about constipation and stress and still in search for an internship, I checked my e-mail to get an e-mail back from the company I recently interviewed with. I followed up with the interviewer to receive an e-mail back shortly after. However, another interview is in line for another company so options...and then more stress. But wow, greatness for now.

Hopefully this is how I'll look post-grad

I wanna hug poles of warmth forever.

Last year, I used to live in one of the on-campus apartment complexes (complexi? complexum?) owned by the college. Although they weren't equipped with air conditioning during the warm months, they did have heat for the cold months. But due to the aging of the building, it wouldn't be uncanny for there to be slight drafts through the apartment. When my roommate and I (the biffle nug who I still live with this year but in a warm duplex) would wake up for crew, the warmest place to be would be in the bathroom because there was this long pole (sorry boys, its not stripper appropriate) in the corner that must have been hooked up to the radiator in the living room somehow and it was pretty hot to the touch. One morning, I wanted to go brush my teeth. I figured Kayla was in the kitchen finding something to munch on before practice. To my surprise I see her huddled in the corner of the bathroom facing the heated pole.
"What are you doing?" I asked confused.
"I'm cold." She said.

Then I noticed how she was hugging the pole to get warm. The things people do. What's so great is that one morning she was using the bathroom before me so while I was changing in the bedroom I hear her scream from the bathroom, "Ouch!"

"What happened?" I asked upon her exiting the bathroom.
"I was hugging the pole for too long and it got really hot" she said.

WOW.

The moral of the story is this (if any moral existed for attempting to stay warm during the winter, let me know), I'm over the cold. I'm over it. Yes, it's refreshing to smell the beginning of winter and freshness that the cold can bring to the heat of late summer and early fall can bring, but I'm over it. Especially when it hurts to be outside...to the point where my fingers begin to hurt really, really bad. Ugh.

Point your hand over there!

Greatness. I stumbled upon this on TheMusicNinja.com. I go to this site to find some new tuneage but I found this video there. Not really about music but hilarious dance I think you and your friends should learn. It's quite simple and I got it down in less than an hour. DOUBLE DREAM HANDS!

Boardwalk Empire...with a hint of low tide stench

I have never been to Atlantic City. And I certainly wanted to do something fun now that finals were done. And since my friends and I were 21 we figured doing something 21 year-old appropriate was necessary. My friend Andrew recently turned 21 and his fam jam got him a room at the Borgata for a night. We figured we would stay down another night and split it amongst a bunch of people, myself included. His gf Tor Tor invited her cousins down who stayed with us. And she had another cousin staying at a different with his buddies. And our friend Shells lived near Atlantic City so her our friend Bryan and Pete and his gf stayed there.

Just arrived last Friday night.

The weekend was full of Gambling, Booze, and Panda Express. I was involved in the latter two activities considering I lost fifteen dollars (ten at the rigged slots and five at the Trop aka Tropicana at one of the tables). I refused to lose anymore considering I watched a few of my friends and strangers lose dollar after dollar after dollar until boom, lost it all. I was a bit frightened walking through the casino seeing people gamble from the early evening (when we arrived) until checkout the following Sunday. Woof.

After gambling with $15, this is what I didn't lose

I was kinda scared I'd see some grown man crying after losing so much money. What I did see though were old women who set up camp at their favorite slot machines with ash trays so they can smoke and never have to worry about leaving their favorite slot machines for a ciggy break.

In between being hungover and people-watching around the casino, we frequented the more affordable of the many different meal options the Borgata offered us: Panda Express. There's this cafeteria-like area below the casino floor where people who don't feel like spending $12 on "Starters" from Wolfgang Puck's American Grill can go and purchase a meal for less than that. Drink inlcuded. Tor and I split the two entrees with a side of rice deal and a large Diet Coke. Ten bucks flat. Hey, I coulda used that two bucks I saved on the penny slots.

We explored the other casinos too while we were there. $5 forties at a bar in the Trop. And The Pool @ Harrah's. SICK NIGHT. It's literally a pool nightclub. Well, it's a pool that they use during the day then they turn it into a nightclub at night. It reminds me of the East Coast version of that club in Vegas called Rehab. There's a reality show about it that I watch ocassionally.

Epic. $20 cover soooo worth it.

The next morning I woke up with a helmet of pain on my head. Woof. Props to no one getting sick but jeez we surely felt shitty the next morning. The trip was successful and definitely something I'd do again with the great friends I went with. Including Ellen Degeneres, who we listened to on the way there. "What was I gonna say? WHAT WAS I GONNA SAY?!" and "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, chacaptpa(?) E-C-T, OHHH!" I laugh as I typed this skit. I found it on YouTube. It starts at 2:40.



Listening to Ellen in public is gonna get me into trouble. I just can't stop laughing.

You're a few years overdue...

An appropriate tune for this MUCH delayed post.


or this one...



either way I'm late on the posting. Last week was full of finals and spending some quality  time with numerous libraries and computer labs around campus. I felt like one of those girls on The Bachellorette. I'd say the last rose went to the main library on campus...it had a cafe and was considered the place to be seen. And it had that old school library feel but with all of the sick Apple desktops and conference rooms and the upstairs study room resembled Hogwarts. Holla.

When I thought I had time to blog, I didn't because my days were full of work, senior thesis, meetings, senior thesis, gym, senior  thesis, group projects, senior thesis, going bonkers, and finally handing in my senior thesis.

At this point my semester is ova! I'll just be hanging  out around campus because I'd rather be here than at home. SIIIIIIKE! I'll be working this week to make some extra cash that is going nowhere but the drain because I still have things to pay for.

some updates for my loyal followers

•  The hard drive lives! The friendly Apple Geniuses in my hometown overnighted my macbook to the main headquarters where they replaced my hard drive and logic board. AND when it came back the geniuses were able to retrieve my old files! Tunes, pics, vids, everything. AND they only charged me replacing the hard drive. $132 goes a long way I'd say.
• The mystical cystical is gone? I'm not quite sure. There's some discoloration under my belly button and there still seems to be something living under my skin but it's not as severe. I hope the scarring will go down with some miracle cream or whatever.
• Since working at the desk, where I usually update my blog like I am now, I have seen sooo many people do that thing with the door; you know, they go to push it open when in reality they have to pull it open. They catch themselves in this confuzzle of coming inside at a somewhat quick pace only to be delayed and slowed down because of their embarrassing mishap. It's okay though. I've done this in high school where they had the same doors. And even when I was a senior there, I'd count how many girls would do the same thing.

It feels good to get back into this habit, obsession, hobby, stress reliever, thing I'd do instead of doing my actual work. Maybe that's why I spent so much time making up for all the time I should have been doing my school work. Procrastination at it's finest? Pretty much. All in all, some of my friends and I rewarded ourselves with a trip to Atlantic City.

Where's Edward Cullen to save the day?

If I didn't have friends who lived out in Portland, I probably wouldn't have heard of the attempted terrorist attack that happened out there last Friday until I decided to turn the television on and catch up on current events (or for me, old news, considering I don't have time to brush up on news or celebrity gossip).

19 year-old Portland resident Mohamed Osman Mohamud planned on detonating a bomb in downtown Portland's Pioneer Courthouse Square during the annual Christmas tree lighting on the night of November 26th. Fortunately, the FBI implemented an undercover agent who worked with Mohamud, pretending to be an overseas associate from Pakistan helping out with the attempted attack. While communicating with the undercover agent guised as an overseas associate, Mohamed knew of the repercussions of how the bomb he was going to detonate would severely injur and most likely kill those spectating the annual tree-lighting festivity. "I want whoever is attending that event to leave, to leave either dead or injured", he said prior to the attempted attack. He was arrested after attempting to detonate the car bomb that was actually a dud and didn't work at all.

It's scary to know that there are still people out there who believe that their main purpose in life is to do something so heinous, knowing it would effect millions of people. In their eyes, it would probably be something done for their religion, their country, or for their own sick pleasure. But when it involves a mass attack on innocent bystanders celebrating family and holiday spirit (hell, any attack on innocent bystanders at all) is completely out of line.

Even a friend of mind from study abroad was at the tree-lighting ceremony. Knowing that just made me so scared when I found out about it. I, along with other people, could have lost someone they knew. Luckily, nothing bad happened and I'm pretty sure everyone at the event didn't know this attempt occurred until after the tree-lighting but this is still a crime that makes me think, is our country secure?

SIDENOTE
That French xc runner who runs at my college just walked through the student union with a helmet attached to her backpack. That's so badass. Granted, it may have been a standard bicycle but still, kinda cool.