Choices.

I had a recent conversation with someone, er, not so much a conversation but I guess a form of "closure" with them. The gist of said closure basically summed things up with this person. In laymen's terms, I asked someone why a situation happened and this person I shall call Humphrey Bogart explained their side*
*their as in I am not going to say the sex of said person. I want to keep HB confidential. But I will admit that HB does not attend the same academic institution as I do. 

I don't see this person often. In fact, we haven't met personally but know each other. We've talked before but inconsistently. I tend to want to talk more than HB does in responses back and forth. I tend to be the initiator of conversations with HB, which kinda upsets me because what we talk about isn't consistent with HB's lack of conversation initiation skills (God, I'm sounding way too technical). There were 2 instances where HB did initiate conversation: 1) when we were introduced to one another months ago & 2) the last time I would ever hear from them.

I let a few days go by. Sent a text HB's way. No response. So I sent an e-mail the next day. Yeah, I'm pretty consistent, which is great because in Advertising, it's all about follow-up calls :)

My e-mail basically asked, "What happened?" What happened with the whole situation and why so sudden. Out of the blue. That's what baffled me and that's what I hate: things that happen so suddenly.


HB responded less than ten minutes later with the following, brief response:
"I'm just irritated and feel like u want other people and u party and drink and I don't. It's not my style happy bday*"
*I mentioned how my birthday was coming up and rather worrying about this because I was, still kind of am, that I'd rather worry about what I was going to wear that day...gotta look pretty when you turn 22 you know.


After reading it, I felt crushed, disheartened, surprised. I was kind of in awe because this wasn't consistent with HB's excuses for being so on and off before. And what upset me the most was that HB was judging me on a weekend I spent with some study abroad friends who I haven't seen in God knows how long. HB was judging me as some out of control party animal that flirts and doesn't give a shit when in reality 1) I don't party often (usually a homebody or completely and utterly exhausted from a long day of interning/classes/work/practice) and 2) yes I'm a flirt but it's all out of fun. I'm a social butterfly going from end to end making sure I flutter my wings to all those I know and would like to say hello to. What HB didn't realize was that I cared for HB. And I guess at this point it doesn't really matter. That e-mail was my last e-mail. I sent HB a response trying to hold on to some form of communication with this person but I think it was lights out. All was said and done and now I'm stuck with a huge R on my face that stands for 'Rejection.' WOOF.

What's funny is that if someone is interested in me (which is a very, VERY rare occasion) I tend to not give a damn. I kinda shrug it off, flirt a little but not too severely and try to keep things strictly platonic as to not give any wrong ideas. However, when it comes to my interests I get mind fucked. It's an ongoing occurrence in my life that is starting to make me think this is something that I should just get fucking used to. I told my counselor I feel like a train that's on the right track but just can't get over a very steep hill and I just regress into similar patterns of feeling hurt, mind fucked, and well, rejected. Along with the feeling of a lot of time and effort wasted, I don't know what I'd be doing with that time besides blogging or maybe taking up a different hobby like knitting. Hmmm...

All in all, this is not a nice feeling. It's this constant feeling of knowing that this is probably, and most likely, the last time you will ever hear from someone...and you didn't expect things to end that way. I often think to myself, "What did I do wrong?" as if it were my fault (and usually I think it is). But as my counselor put it, HB may suffer from insecurities of their own. They make assumptions about your "lifestyle" based on jealousy or insecurity about their relationship with you and often use defense mechanisms to cope. I don't necessarily know if I made sense but I think that's what my counselor was getting at. It was HB's choice to no long pursue anything. It was my choice to consistently follow-up, trying to hold onto something that probably didn't happen for a reason. Our choices are impactful not just on our lives but on those also involved. So although I'm feeling shitty, maybe HB is feeling shitty too...because they assumed things were gonna be sour but we're never gonna know.

I have a feeling I'm gonna be single for a while. Already made it for 21 years and soon to be 22. I know I'll get over my hill eventually but sometimes you just can't help but feel a little sad. The loss of a potential new thing blooming in one's life actually turning out to smell like doggy doo doo sucks.

The cheesy irony that I just realized about naming this mystery mean pie HB is that HB could also be an acronym for heartbreaker. But I'm not at thaaat much of a loss, people.

Let's just take a moment...

I found this picture somewhere and meant to post it weeks ago. There are no words to explain the lengths (of not just extension chords for that matter) people go to for convenience. What was also funny was when I went to save the picture on my desktop, it was titled morons.jpg

Road Trip Playlist

So thanks to DJ Pauly D who spit some nasty beats for the car ride to and from South Bend, he introduced us to some awesome jams. And thanks to Taylor for all the good CDs! Didn't get to hear Adele's latest 21 or jam out to Mumford & Sons as much as we wanted because I was too busy requesting DMB's Crash album on repeat. But here are some songs we had on repeat quite a few times. Enjoy!



Create a MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Weekend Recovery.

I can't really say it enough about how GREAT my weekend was. Seeing old friends and enjoying great times with them was MUCH needed. The 12-hour road trip (times that by two considering it took us 12 hours in each direction), the massive amount of binge drinking, that nasty hung over feeling, the getting sick part, the crying part, all worth it :) Seeing these amazing friends reminds of how much studying abroad was such a great life choice for mahself.

Not much can really be said except some recaps of the weekend's events. Not counting out Frump's permanent boner he had stepping onto Fightin' Irish soil. He's probably in depression mode since we've come back to New Gross last night. As am I, considering today I was in a shit mood - not only did I oversleep through 545am practice this morning but I also didn't do my Marketing assignments (I clearly just have given up on school in general), my Media Planning & Buying midterm was a sickening joke of a test aaaand it was open book to say the least, calculators also being used. I understood the homework but when it comes to OPEN BOOK TESTS, I'm lost. I had a fajita for lunch, and Chinese food for dinner. Motivation has gone out the window and I'm still trying to find the invisible pen I dropped on the floor months ago because clearly, I'm losing it and I kinda just don't give a flying fuck what I do with my life hear on in. But I did download some new tunes to keep me in some sort of decent people-tolerating spirit.

We arrived in our cramped Audi (compliments of DJ Pauly D) a little after 10am. Kayla and I were both planning on getting in a decent workout before the debauchery of that weekend would occur. I ran 4 miles in Red's apartment building's "gym" - consisting of two treadmills (one being used upon arrival) and two elipticals, and a free weight area. And we mustn't forget the complimentary drinking water dispenser.

Famished and sweaty, we head to a Greek restaurant for some vegetarian fare - it was a Lenten Friday but unbeknownst to me, I found out meat could've been eaten because it was sort of special Friday. Whatever.

Blood Mary = Great nightcap :)

So fresh and so clean, we drink some 40s at 4...failed attempt at Edward 40 Hands, nonetheless I finished mine like a champion :) Head over to Between the Buns for some drinks with friends, find out they have $2.50 pints of Blue Moon - I should move here. A pint of that blissful Belgian style beer, a shot of Patron, & two Blood Mary's later, it was lights out for Julesy before anyone could say, "Hey, you ready to go to Finney's?" Apparently I was in such a deep passed out sesh, people tried to shake me awake but I didn't flinch. Someone even was afraid that I may have died. But that nap was divine. I woke up at 3am to find my friend sleeping next to me and my other friend Nicky saying everyone just got back.

Grotto

Saturday was tour day. The Port Lodgers (Jimbo & the Black Cat with Green Eyes aka Taylor) and Frump were given an EXTENSIVE 4 hour tour of campusssss. Red, Joel Hole, See_Error_Ugh, & Nicky all accompanied us on this lovely sunny afternoon. Frump was astounded by all things, including the friendly squirrels that would come up to you if you had food in your hand. So coot!

Original Grotto Stone

Cancer/Disease Tree

Look up! Inside Main Building Dome

I even saw/did some things that I didn't see before: prayed at the Grotto, touched that special piece of the authentic Grotto from Lourdes, France that was concreted into the Grotto, went inside the Main Building and looked up, walked down the front steps of the Main Building (apparently it's superstitious for ND students to do so before graduation), went inside the Basilica, tied a ribbon on the cancer tree, & threw up outside of my friend's house in the parking lot. Oh, that's for later...

After the tour/laughing/funny picture-taking/just being surrounded by great friends, it was back with the rest of the biddies for Papa Smurfs and dinner at Between the Buns. I wasn't even finished half of it before I was feeling "tired". Afterwards, we were supposed to head to Steve's house for a lovely shin-dig he was hosting for Port Lodgers and friends. But no! I was surprised with birthday cake, balloons, and sake bombs :)

I feel the need to share this story with you all because it was quite entertaining and surprisingly, successfully pulled off as well considering so many slip ups occurred prior to sake bombs but of course, me being the space cadet that I am, nothing was ruined. The surprised stayed intact and had me laughing so hard I could hardly blow out my birthday candles. The idea sprung into the biffle nug's head when she remembered me mentioning how I've never gone sake bombing. The idea always struck me as interesting - the concept of balancing a shot of sake on chopsticks over a bigger shot of Japanese beer and having it dropped in and chugged after banging on a table saying, "Sake, sake, sake, BOMB!" But the sake part was what held me back...mixing rice wine with beer? Woof. Since there were a lot of us at dinner, we had to take multiple cars to "Steve's". I was kinda tipsy and didn't mind sitting down, zoned out playing Brick Breaker on my cell phone while other people got rides. I was in the last group with Red, Taylor, DJ Pauly D & Nicky. "Soo..we're on our way to Steve's?" I asked. "Yup," someone up front said. A topic of sake bombs was brought up once again. "Ew! Sake bombing never appealed to me" I said disgusted. "C'mon, Jules it's like so much fun!" DJ Pauly responded in the driver's seat. "I would never sake bomb! It sounds gross!" I said back. Moments later, I noticed we were driving into a Japanese restaurant. "I thought we were going to Steve's," I said. "Yeah, he lives like right over there," DJ Pauly said. "Oh," I responded confused. As I was headed in the one direction, ready to walk over the metal barricade to go to "Steve's", everyone else was headed in the direction of the restaurant. "Where the fuck are you going?!" I asked so confused and flustered at this point. No one responded to me but quickly began walking faster than me into the restaurant. And Taylor looked like a hideous snarling chipmunk as she was giggling on the way in. I was the last to walk in and apparently, "Steve's house" ended up being a nice Japanese restaurant where everyone was waiting for a candle-lit birthday cake, "Happy Birthday Grandma" balloons, and lovely company singing to me. I was speechless and laughing and happy and confused and just plain bubbling like the Sapporo I'd be chugging. After a few mishaps and spillages, we got in a few rounds of bombing, loud thumps from our fists surprisingly didn't disturb the TWO dates going on in the relaxed restaurant. And apparently the waiters were used to having kids come in to sake bomb...the waitress even taught me how to line up m chopsticks properly. I love April :)

We then headed to Steve's house where we played Boom (I clearly annihilated Red because we played on a recycled door as a table and it had some hot spots where the ball bounced perfectly in - of course from where I was standing, which was next to Red so I "boomed" her many a time, forcing to drink massive amounts of Keystone...sorry Red :) We then headed to Finney's, which is where I was supposed to go with everyone else the night before but passed the fuck out. It was also crucial for us to arrive before midnight considering a pub crawl was headed there for it's final destination. We made it just in time - no line, got to the bar, split some green beer, rum & coke, and Long Island Iced Tea pitchers with friends. I met some friends of friends, almost got kicked out for attempting to pee in the guys bathroom, watched a girl get kicked out for actually using the guys bathroom, danced, sang, laughed, made out, and just spent an enjoyable night with the people I've missed for so long. Of course, I spent a shit ton of grub and drink and paid for all that drinking by getting sick on the way back to Nicky's house and in her parking lot, cried when I couldn't give See_Error_Ugh & Joel Hole a proper goodbye, and whimpered by the toilet seat as I passed in and out of a delirium of drunken "chowing" as Nicky puts it. We had every intention of waking up at 7am to leave but of course we didn't wake up til 1045am. "Good morning!" Red says as she came over to get her car. I woke up confused, hung the fuck over, and still drunk. Let's just say the car ride home wasn't the most enjoyable but it certainly was worth the trip.

I came to South Bend knowing that although I'd be excited to see everyone, it would have been as if nothing changed. As if we'd been together all along and it just so happened that we were in the same place this entire time and spent an amazing time together on this amazing weekend away. I don't know how future visits will be considering we will all have graduated and moved to different places, working in different states and starting new chapters of our lives. But I know I will see them again eventually. Even though spending four months abroad with them seemed like such a short time, it certainly paved the way for lasting friendships and fond memories that I will most certainly never forget. Port Lodge Spring '10, I love you.

Aftermath: the present I left in Nicky's parking lot. My b.

South Bend Bound...

So, in an hour or less I'll be heading over to South Bend, Indiana...again. Yes, it's that time of the semester: Notre Dame visit with study abroad biddies - Round 2. Last fall was epic and I'm hoping this semester will be just as amazing seeing them, maybe better. This time around we have two guests for the car ride: my friend Taylor who studied abroad with us. She's a native Delawarian just like myself so it'll be nice to have a piece of haome invading South Bend with me. And we have Frump, yes thaaat Frump who goes to the same college as I do. He's met some Domers last semester when they came to visit and now he's getting a full dose of Fightin' Irish goodness. Both of them will be accompanying myself, DJ Pauly D, and my roommate (the biffle nug...yeah, I'm in that kind of mood right now. Let's pray I don't get my period until I come back kthanks!)

So I don't really know what to talk about so I'm going to leave you with three great videos we watched in one of my Advertising classes earlier tonight:

Kristen Schaal from Flight of the Concords (I don't watch it but I heard she was in it) did some hilarrrrrrious ads for Sony Ericsson's new smartphone Xperia PLAY:


Pwnage - Xperia PLAY

She's so funny, I'm gonna post another ad...


Sony Ericsson Xperia - Kittenliscious

...and here's a new campaign called FCKH8...WARNING: THIS IS NOT CENSORED. I'll tell ya, the little girl in this ad needs to EAT a bar of soap. But it has a great message that I agree with :)


FCK Bullies by FCKH8.com

And finally, under the watchful eye of Taylor, I'm putting up this cute lil numbah..."it's fucking hysterical," as she puts it. So coot.


They See Me Rollin'

Have a great weekend, y'all!!!

A little humor...

My friend who I'll call Rabby - reason being is because sometimes the people at Starbucks get your name messed up when they write it on those cups - sent a few of her friends, myself included, a funny little joke.

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog
on a string behind him.

He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam
answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, 'I want
to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving
until I do.'

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to
pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any
diseases?'

Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy replied, 'I heard all the men talking
about having to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S the girl I
want!'

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam
told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging
the squashed frog behind him.

Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and
headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place
with a disease, instead of one of the others?'

He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going
out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they
leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very
fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and
Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he'll jump her
bones, and he'll catch the disease.

Then when Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have
sex, and Mom will catch it.

In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a
quickie with Mom and catch the disease and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over
my FROG!

Spring Break/Weekend Update

I have found time to update my blog!

Spring Break involved practice, no time for naps, goose shit, and callused/blistered fingahs. And more practice. I don't always look forward to Spring Break in lovely New Gross. It isn't South Padre Island or the Bahamas or even Delaware. But it's time to spend with teammates both on and off the water and not having to worry about class. But even without our usual busy schedules, we didn't really have time to relax considering we had to get ready for the second practice. And by the time the second practice was over, we had to rush to get to team activities...

Battered hands

But all wasn't misery last week! 

• A gay bar in the city Monday night with Tor - unfortunately no one got us free drinks because it was a man bar. We didn't get meat tagged...not even a compliment on our appearance! Too bad for thinking I was gonna get taken care of by a lesbian.
• Battlefield LA Tuesday night with some peeps from the team. The movie was pretty much a promotional video for the Marines. But it was uber action-packed - I was leaning forward the whoooole time watching the screen. 
• Pizza partay at our teammate's house. I made a devil's food cake with chocolate frosting. I told everyone I sprinkled ecstasy in it...which probably explains why only Tor ate a piece. 
• St. Patty's Day shenanigans. After a long, hard row at the ass crack of dawn, I did that whole Irish thing - celebrated it with all that green shit ya know. 
• Rowed in the single for the first time Friday morning and got a great work out...just paid for it the following weekend with sore arms...the weekend ensued in Jersey at Tor's house with some friends and her hilarious cousins and parents. Great company, laughs, tons of food and booze, Woodbury Commons deals (got me a Michael Kors winter coat for 40 bucks whaddup), watched and loved The Foitahh (The Fighter w/ a Boston brogue), and ended Spring Break with some debauchery in Pearl River for the St. Patty's Day parade with a special guest: Brizzy Poo, my twin brothahh. I call him my (fraternal) twin because we share the same birthday which is coming up in a few weeks :) 

Our school's pipe band tearing it up in Pearl River

Seeing Frump get wrecked in Pearl River was a sight to see...

Me: "Oh, there's XXXX. He just puked. Okay, now he's being escorted out of the beer garden..."

And then after he was kicked out of the bar, he proceeded to order his SECOND corn beef samich and knock over a box of hundreds upon hundred of packets of salt & pepper. Class. Oo-rah!

Overall, the week was phenom despite the blisters and calluses and the weekend ended off right. We had indoor practice yesterday due to the weather. Surprisingly, I did an excellent job pulling my effing heart out on the erg. Maybe I should binge drink the weekend before every tough practice :)

Deer have never scared this much...

British duo Matta's official (?) music video for their dubstep track. Woof this shit is trippy.

Additional Hell Week Notes

[[I'm clearly tired from two-a-days, which is why these added Wednesday highlights, er, lowlights were not posted til now]]

So Wednesday came and I was dreading it. On top of a 9:30am midterm that I barely studied for, but I had a 2k test to make up after missing it on Tuesday. I was NOT mentally nor physically prepared for it. I knew I wasn't. All I knew was that I was going to do no matter what. There was no point to putting it off any longer and I just wanted it over with so I wouldn't have to deal with worrying about it later.

My coach and Tor both agreed that I hit a wall. They both coxed me through it and where I hit my wall was at the 750 meter mark. I could not recover from that wall. I missed my PR by 4 seconds and to me that was a lot. But what can ya do, right? I told myself whatever the outcome, I'm gonna deal with it. And I did. I'm not fazed by my results at all. I'll just have to make up for it on the next test.

Thursday was bad from the start. The e-mail system was down in the office - no incoming or outgoing e-mails, and the guy that interns the same day with me didn't show up and I became aware that he would no longer he coming in when my supervisor told me he's not going to intern there anymore due to "family reasons." No matter what the reasons were really due to, I knew I'd be manning the desk BOTH days I intern, which means I'm on trash duty on both days and I have to answer phones and listen to really bad feedback where I can't understand the person on the other end. Huff!

Oh, and the phones were sucking much more than usual on Thursday. The transfer button decided to stop working so I had to take numerous messages and tell a guy to take two calls at the reception desk. And since the e-mail system wasn't working on top of that, I was getting more phone calls then usual. Awesome.

They have this thing every other week where employees pitch ideas to the CEO. My supervisor encouraged the interns to take part in this event as well. I would have worked on my idea with my partner, the guy who ended up quitting, but I was home all last weekend for my Mommom and had no time or energy to give our pitch idea any thought. He said we would work on it when I return but since he's not coming back I guess its up to me to see this idea through. On my own. In a room full of employees and the CEO. All of whom probably don't take me seriously because I'm an intern. But while I worked the reception desk, I could see the huuuuge crowd of people in the conference room, two people who were interns and did awesomely on their presentations. How can I compete with that? Eh. I didn't really hear much about their presentations, considering the door was closed and the new miniature schnauzer running around the office was playing with his chew toy. This was the time of day where I said to myself, Maybe I'm not right for the Advertising industry. I just wanna go away and volunteer abroad or sell churros on the beach. I don't mind public speaking - in front of those I know well or am comfortable in front of or when I know what I'm talking about. But there are those times where I feel intimidated and don't really know what to say, forcing me to bullshit with humor or sarcasm. That usually works. Sometimes.

VHATEVA! I'm building my bridge and getting over it. When I came home, I had a quick night class to sit through then went home and crashed.

Some highlights about Thursday...

• I forwarded two dated articles to a woman I work with at my internship. Despite being 3-4 years old, the articles were "stupendous!" according to her. I'm glad I was able to do something right.
• I kinda lied about getting certain information for one of the guys in the office. He asked me if so-and-so said what company she called from. She did, but the fucking phone sucked and I couldn't really understand what it was called after I asked her twice. I said no, she didn't say it. The guy told me to always ask what company and what not. So I bounced back from that karma-induced fib set back thinger and the next message I got for him, I got the company name along with the other info and he said, "There ya go! Thanks!"
• The intern that always works upstairs and never has to work the reception desk took the trash out upstairs so I didn't have to :)
• There was a bunch of trash that hadn't been taken out so I took a few trips back and forth down the elevator to take it out. And my supervisor said I was "the best!" I guess hearing compliments here and there put me in a good mood. 
• I think the new miniature schnauzer, which belongs to the CEO, likes me :) He didn't bite me yet and he hasn't barked at me after never seeing me before that Thursday. 

I won't be interning this week due to two-a-day practices for rowing. Yummyyyy. I can concentrate on working out multiple times, being exhausted allllll day, and getting fresh calluses and blisters on my paws. Oh, and being m-effing sore out the ying yang. Oh well, this is my third "spring break" at Glen Island and it's pretty fun overall. Who needs to get shitty on a beach in 70 degree heat when the wind can blow boats over to the opposite side of the course and there's geese shit all over the place? And don't forget that wind/sun burn too! A night cap is usually needed at the end of each day. 

And I say I've done this three times considering my only spring break during my collegiate experience occurred in that beautiful country Australia :) God I miss it. 

One week.

[[I wrote this at work yesterday morning, then got caught up talking to some pals, then had actual work to do for my superiors before I was done my shift. So just assume that this was posted yesterday, Friday, March 11th]]

Since being back at school, I am RELIEVED that the week has ended...sort of. Or, at least I got over the humps that I've been dreading, preparing myself to deal with.

My grandmother passed away a week ago from yesterday. It's still a little new, like a fresh wound that has to scab over and heal. So, in a sense, I'm that wound trying to scab over and heal.

The weekend was rough, kind of awkward: not knowing how to console some of my family members, being on the outs with my dad, just dealing with loss in general. Monday night was her viewing, which was tough. I remember seeing her casket from far away and just thinking, I don't wanna go over there. I don't wanna see her. My aunt was a wreck - my Mommom was her best friend and they did so much together: shopping, traveling, laughing, so many things. Seeing my step-grandpa cry was new to me. He truly loved her and he sat near her casket for majority of the viewing.

I was even shocked to see my Grandpa, Mommom's ex-husband. He came to both the viewing and the Mass/burial the next day. I assumed he would come to one or the other. But as my mom said, "That was the mother of his children, you know...so it makes sense that he shows his sympathy."

As more and more people showed up to the viewing, I realized how loving my Mommom was. She never dislike anyone and made a new friend wherever she went. She was actively involved in her local library and church. She was a happy, vibrant woman who could strike up a conversation with even the crabbiest of people, who would grow to love her too. She was caring and always made sure that you were comfortable and always knew what to make of those random canned goods in her cupboard.

I got to finally meet two of Mommom's best friends at her viewing. At separate times, they each came up to me and said, "I know exactly who you are...Anne told us all about you. She was so proud of you..." I broke down. Lost it. I could hardly get out "Thank you" without crying. One of them, Iva, came over and hugged me and just held my hand while she told my mom and I how much Anne spoke of me and my achievements. Her other friend Mickey greeted me in a similar way. She had a hard time talking though because she missed Mommom a lot and like it was for us, it was shocking to find out of her passing so suddenly.

So for two hours at the viewing, I cried, struggled with the new eye makeup I put on, wiping the corners of any smudges. My mom and I drove back to Wilmington while my dad stayed down in Greenwood with my aunt and other family members.

The next day was her Mass of Christian burial. I got to see my second cousin who I don't really talk to much or see, considering he lives in Denver now. I also got to see my uncle and cousin who came down from upstate New York. Mass was held at her favorite church that she always went to every week. It was a small, quaint Church close to her house. After the Mass, we began the procession to the burial. I've never been involved in one of those before: with the flashing hazard lights and brights on following car after car. It was brief and different than usual - no dirt was dropped onto her casket, we didn't see it lowered into the grave. I saw this huge concrete cover laiden in light bronze paint that would cover the top of the crypt. Before it was finished, we each put a flower on her casket, then proceeded to the Fire Hall for the reception that was held by some of her friends who made food for everyone.

The reception was awkward but nice. They made lots of down home cookin': Corn pudding, ham, lima beans, baked pineapple, sweet potatoes, and some yummy desserts. I caught up with some family I haven't seen, got to know Mommom's friends a little better, networked with a second cousin :), spoke to my dad. All before going back up to Wilmington an hour or so away to pack my car up for another two and a half hour drive to New Gross. But I think I was ready. I needed to get back into the swing of things and catch up on what I've missed, which was only three classes but I missed A LOT of practice/erging, which showed on Wednesday...

XXXclusive

When celebs go through that stage in their career considered to be a somewhat mid-fame crisis, or don't know how else to keep their fame going, they make sex tapes.

Jennifer Aniston has gone en route to sex tape fame!



If video does not work click dis: Jennifer Aniston SEX TAPE!

Not to say Aniston is going through a mid-fame crisis - she's great! And her famous is comfortably intact as of now.

But honestly, I think this water tastes like shit. I've had tap from NYC more refreshing than this $8 bottle of water that goes through some sort of photosynthesis type process. I think that process takes awayyyy from the water. I just don't like it :( But I like this sex tape :)

Firework

I have yet to find an epic remix/mashup of Katy Perry's "Firework". There's actually nothing wrong with the original. I love it. It's one of those songs that can be played fo'eva and never go wrong. It's inspirational, motivational, and downright sensational. The video is sick too. Who wouldn't want fireworks exploding from their titties?! A thought for next year's Halloween costume...I just need to figure out a way of avoiding third-degree burns on my chest and face.



MAKE 'EM GO UHH UHH UHHH AS YOU SHOOT ACROSS THE SKYYYYYY!!!!

Proof is in the Picture.

Okay, last post of the day. But seriously, it has been raining allllll day. And I haven't been doing this all day (big fat lie). I also studied and submitted a project to my professor.

Going back to the previous post about super cool model Agyness Deyn, I think I had more style when I was younger than I do now (which is why I'm trying to slowly but surely revamp er, enhance is a better term, my personal style). Granted my mom was the one who dressed me when I was a young tot, so props to her. Pardon for the resolution on these pics. They're in photo albums and I'm not about to climb onto the scanner for a better vision of myself as a young rascal nugget.*
*Going home does have it's perks. Looking at old family photos make for a good laugh.

Exhibit A: 

I was the definition of cool. Or at least thought I was. 

Exhibit B:

Sure, I was a little androgynous as a child and wore
suspenders. But my mom attempted to jazz it up by
keeping it girly with the Little Mermaid tee.

Exhibit C:

See? Femininity. I knew what it was. 

Exhibit D:

Either my mom got the date of Halloween
mixed up or that kid forgot to wear a costume.
But I dared to be different even at a young age.

Exhibit E:

The champ is here! I don't know who bought this
outfit for me. But obviously the hat grew on me.
To this day I sport some lovely head gear.

Exhibit F:

Bright & vibrant colors were and still ARE my forte.
Spiffy head band optional. 

Oh, Agyness.

There's always someone we wish to embody. Or we usually have someone lined up when someone asks, "If you could be anyone in the world, who would it be?" Well, I wouldn't necessarily answer that question dead on, considering I wanna be a bunch of different people depending on the day of the week or how I'm feeling. But this chick is so damn cool. Her style, her accent, her name, and her way of making short, spiky hair look cool: Agyness Deyn.

She has her own style that's bright and vibrant and eclectically cool. I'm a fan of bright and vibrant clothing. I'm guilty of wearing too many prints. I can't stay away from them, they're so cool!

Cover of Vogue. Get it, get it.  

This video tells you everything you need to know about Miss Deyn (she legally changed her name to it because she wanted to be DIFFERENT. As I've said, she's so damn cool). Plus, she dates Albert Hammond Jr. from The Strokes. Agyness, I wanna be you!!

"I do shots, I tan, and I drink. STDs, that's what we call it."

I need to get there...

Watch this...Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - JERSEY FLOOR

Musical Musings

Since there's nothing to do on a rainy day in Delaware - slightly due to the fact that I'm lazy and do not want anything to do with my homework && some unreliable "friends" I was supposed to see while I was home never getting back to me (I'm not really fazed by it though because I'll be busy with studying - ha! and I've come to realize which lemons are worth the squeeze. Moreover, I don't keep in touch with anyone here minus my mother, which I'm okay with), I thought I'd share some tune-formation with you all.

#1: Lykke Li's new album Wounded Rhymes

The Swedish singer's second album has a cool, unique sound. The genre would be hard to describe: a little bit of indie slowness with hints of upbeat time-machine jazz ballads. Kinda similar to Adele who I will get to in a few. And the way you pronounce her name, Lykke Li, I think is LOO-kah Lee. The first 3 songs on this album are sauce, one of which is "I Follow Rivers"

#2: Adele's new album 21

This woman's voice gives me chills, she's that amazing. Similar to Lykke Li, the Brit has come out with her second album. Her first, 19, introduced her vocals to the world with hits such as "Hometown Glory" and her cover of Bob Dylan's "Make You Feel My Love". Great listens on 21 include "Rolling in the Deep" and her cover of The Cure's"Lovesong".


#3 FREE TUNES on Urbanoutfitters.com!
How sweet of them to give out free tunes. Then again, they should. Although they have great clothing that lasts a lifetime, it comes with a hefty price. I do shop there once in a while for one-of-a-kind unique finds that I know I will cherish and get much use out of. Get these 23, yes TWENTY THREE FREE songs HERE. It's simpler if you have an iTunes account already because they just start downloading automatically.

Can't stop the rain.

So much for running outside this morning. And it's not like I can redeem myself in the later hours because it's still coming down.

Still at home. Looking forward to going back to school and getting back to the daily grind. Surprising as it sounds, being home is tough. Although I am grateful I'm able to see my mom after many months (and just my mom for now because I'm not on good terms with my father yet again - let's just say I wasn't even home a full 24 hours and I was already screamed at. Cool I guess. I'm provoking it seems), it's under sad circumstances that I am home. I'm in better spirits than I was the past few days. I have my moments here and there when I think about Mommom but I think that's normal during the loss of a loved one.

Lazy Sunday fo' real. Within the last few minutes, I caught up on my blogger pal's blog posts then proceeded to RAPE her wall with a post and two additional comments (Sorry, to you!), "made a phonecall"*, and started this post. Nothing productive as I had planned - send my professor my assignment since I won't be in class to hand it in and study for same professor's midterm that I will be taking on Wednesday. Huff, my motivation went out the window where the rain is. I'll find it when it stops raining.
*If you know what I mean by this term, then by all means let me know. But I'm sure you won't because it's a term I made up mahself. And no, it is nothing sexual. 

But here are my much needed new sneaks! If you've seen the pictures from my Picture Book post, you'll see why I needed these desperately. I can't keep borrowing my friends' sneaks anyways...

Gel Keyano-17. Compliments of Mama <3 

I believe they are the latest in running technology made my the amazing people over at Asics. And don't worry I didn't steal them - the sensor was removed. This is my second pair by the brand. I was very satisfied with my first pair that I got HEAPS of mileage out of before the backs started to wear out. Amazing sneakers that take me miles and miles away. To learn more about this model (which is highly unlikely) click here: ASICS Gel Keyano-17

Florence + The Montage

The photos & tats. The photos & tats. The photos & tats. Booful.

Should you ask yourself the question Florence poses in the song? Hmmm...
If video does not work click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5BwdDaz7Xs

Mommom.

The feeling of loss is not too familiar to me. Although I've supported friends when they've lost loved ones, I couldn't exactly relate because I've never lost someone so close to me. Until now. Yesterday morning my grandmother, Mommom as well all call her, passed away. She had been in the hospital for close to two weeks. Her husband, my step-grandfather, sent me an e-mail telling me she was in the hospital with fluid in her lungs. I assumed it had to do with the cold weather and maybe she caught pneumonia. I was concerned but figured, Its Mommom, she'll bounce back. But when a few days in the hospital turned into a few weeks in the hospital, my concerns grew into worry. Her husband had been keeping us up-to-date almost every day with her status. I even got to speak with her for a few minutes on the phone last weekend. I just didn't realize that that would be the last time.

Yesterday morning was all a blur. I woke up to get ready for my internship and four minutes later, I received an e-mail about her being taken off of life support, which I hadn't even known she was on. Apparently, there were cancer cells found in her liver but it was unknown to where it was coming from. According to doctors, it "had spread throughout."

What baffles me the most is that she was completely fine 3 weeks ago.

This feeling of emptiness like a hollow tree was new to me. As if I didn't know how to feel. I called my parents after I received that e-mail. They were driving on their way down to see her, which is an hour and a half away from where we live. I moped around my apartment, not knowing what to do with myself. I tried to nap, but couldn't. I ended buying $38 worth of nail polish on Amazon and decided to go to the gym to clear my head. I figured I'd be at home in Delaware for quite some time so should get a work out in just in case I don't when I'm at home. I nearly started crying on the treadmill...twice. I spent 2 hours at the gym yesterday, with 15 minutes spent walking around the gym as if I had no clue where I was going. I moped. In the gym and back to my car. That's when I broke down.

I've cried. A lot. And I will probably cry some more. I cried on the way home today.

Although this post will be somewhat emotional compared to the crass or random things I usually talk about, it's like fresh air. I consider this a part of me that I probably wouldn't share other than with some close friends. I know it'll be hard as it comes closer to her funeral. But what friends have told me is to remember all of the good times I've had with her. She is still around me and will always be with me. And I'm glad to know that she left peacefully and pain free. I felt destroyed when I found out I wouldn't be able to say bye but my dad said, "She knows." I have no doubt in my mind that she's in a better place and yes, it will be different knowing she won't call me once in a while to see how I'm doing, or come to Thanksgiving dinner with green bean casserole knowing I'd be the only one to eat it but she'd still make it anyways. I know I will struggle with the loss of my grandmother but I know I have all the support in the world through family and friends who will help me remember her as the lively, smiling woman I've known all my life.

Anne Marie Adams
November 13, 1934 - March 3, 2011

My Senior Speechur

Last weekend was the Annual Rowing Banquet. Alumni rowers, family, and friends of us rowers come out on this Saturday night in February to celebrate our college's Rowing family and success. It's always great to see the families of our teammates and alumni we've missed. So much support and fun and good times. Captains and seniors give speeches. And this year, the banquet was quite crowded. I spoke eloquently and with poise...surprisingly. Names have been taken out to secure the identity of the institution and members of said institution. I know I'm not saying anything shitty, but I'm not sure if they would want their names in my blog. Except Tori. She thrives on the publicity she receives here. Areas with brackets are personal notes for me as I said the speech. Here's my speech:

Good evening,

First off, I would like to thank everyone for joining us tonight. It's great to see familiar faces who have been part of the team and continue to be part of the team through their never-ending support year after year. It is also great to see several new faces who have become part of the XXXXXX Rowing family. Through donations, fundraisers, and the support we receive at races, you are all an important entity to this team and college.  

I would like to thank the alumni who continue to be great mentors and friends to us all. It's always great to see them and know that this team played an important role in their life at XXXXXX College. I would also like to thank the coaches who continue to push us to our limits and reassure us that we are stronger than we think, especially in the weight room. Thank you to Brother XXXXXX, who's constant support and moderation of our team keeps XXXXXX College Rowing intact and ever-growing as years progress. Along with what Tori said, I'd like to thank former coaches XXXXXX and XXXXXX who I've had the opportunity to work with in the past. They played an important part in my becoming an XXXXXX College rower. And I owe a lot of my improvements and successes to them both. 

Thank you to all of the parents, not only for cheering us on at the finish line but also for encouraging us in our athletic and academic endeavors. Although some of us including myself, do not live close to home, it's still a good feeling knowing our families are supporting us from far away. You're remembered in spirit and your generosity never goes unnoticed. And as a sidenote to all of the parents, you mean a lot more to us than just being the caterers at our races. The fruit, drinks, and bagels are greatly appreciated by us all. [[Emphasize bagels w/Delawarian accent]]

And finally I'd like to thank my fellow teammates. You all have shown a tremendous amount of drive and passion for the sport. You continue to impress me with your improvements on the erg and I have no doubt that you will constantly strive to achieve your personal goals both on and off the water. You truly are an amazing group of young athletes with all of the potential in the world to become the future of XXXXXX College Rowing. I am very fortunate that I am able to see this team grow in many different ways even when I, myself was a novice rower four years ago. 

So with our sights set on this coming spring season on the water as well as getting out of that tank room, let's surpass the goals we set for ourselves and show everyone - coaches, alumni, our families and friends - that being a part of this team is what makes our college experience worthwhile and something to be proud of. Let's go get 'em this season and show everyone who's boss. Thank you.

I love the 80s

A mashup of film and song. One genre of films (yes, multiple GREAT films) and an epic song from a different generation of tuneage makes a baby in the form of one of the COOLEST videos on YouTube. Unfortunately, the embed file was disabled upon request of the person who uploaded the video so here I go with my HTML nerd herd link shit.

   ++ 

 

DUCKY!
= So Worthy of a YouTube Oscar

Food stories.

Not only am I turning into the worst blogger ever, but I'm falling behind with these posts! I'll think of something I wanna blog about. Then I'll get too tired or busy to post it, then forget about it. Then accumulate massive amounts of pictures on my phone, I'll have to shove them all into one post. Like I am right now.

It's late and I have much to share with my beloved followers, or soon to be ex-followers if I keep going on with this dry spell. What's so great is that I finally got a memory card for my phone.* Since I take so many pictures with it, and post them in my blog, it only made sense to get one. Plus, it allows me to film videos. Mmmmm even better. Once I find a geeky, computer science way of posting VIDEOS from my phone to my blog, lo and behold shit will get interesting :)
*Remember that sad time last semester when my shit got stolen at practice? Yeah, bye bye memory card with so many great videos and pictures. I hate thinking about it. SO MANY GREAT VIDEOS. Ugh. One of which included my getting sprayed with pepper spray by the biffle nugget. I wanted to see what it felt like, which was a hot sun burn/indian burn on my forearm for three days straight.
I'll try to do this in order...
Last week

As I've said before, I like to try new things. I've crossed the Greek yogurt bridge and survived and even grew to like it. So I thought, hmm why not try ICELANDIC yogurt, or what they call skyr (pronounced skEER). I don't even think it's yogurt. It's a dairy culture product strained like yogurt but is often described as a soft cheese. Cheese yogurt? Eh. As you can see, it was supposed to be flavored like pomegranate & passion fruit. I opened the container and see white yogurt-like culture. Hmm...is the flavored/fruit stuff at the bottom? I understand the simplicity of the packaging, which was part of the reason why I bought the product. And I also thought maybe Icelandic skyr would be the new Greek yogurt. It's has a watery texture like normal yogurt; not as thick as the Greek stuff. I spooned the bottom to see if there was any fruit compote. Nil. I stir it around and try a little bit on the spoon. NO. NO. ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOT. Jules, don't gag. Jules, don't gag. JULES, DON'T GAG is what I thought. I sat in that booth in the cafeteria by myself trying to stay composed and not draw attention to myself. $2.50 down the drain. Icelandic skyr: Never again. 

Sunday night

Who needs to go to Starbucks, when your roommate has Chai mix at home? 8 ounces of hot milk and three tablespoons of Chai mix, with some whipped cream on top, makes for some cozy, frothy goodness. The whipped cream ran out so it was simply a nice foggy touch to the exotic spiced elixir underneath. I should be a food columnist with these spiffy words I'm throwing out there. "Exotic elixir". I deserve to be punched in the face.

Earlier tonight (Tuesday)

Unbeknownst to me, March 1st marks National Pancake Day and to celebrate, IHOP's around the country give out free short stacks to all its visitors. My friend Katie, one of my traveling buddies to the city when I intern as well as a beloved and dear friend of mine for several of my collegiate years, mentioned this to me. We both agreed that today was such a blah day - we didn't wanna be at our internships, we were exhausted, and we just wanted the day to be over so we could get out of the offices. For some odd reason we thought today was Fat Tuesday aka Mardi Gras. According to old tradition Fat Tuesday was celebrated the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday where everyone could indulge in things that they would get rid of during the season of Lent. We certainly indulged on our twin date: Two short stacks each with a side of turkey sausage and a glass of water. Mmmm heaven :) and we only paid for the side of sausage and tip for our lovely waitress.
After dinner...

Katie & I went along with this Fat Tuesday theme (literally) and capped the night off with dessert...at Red Mango. I did something different with my fro-yo this time: I kinda mixed the shit up so it wasn't all sitting on the top, leaving the bottom fro-yo naked and alone. I guess I could've called this concoction "My Fat Tuesday Uh Oh": A swirl of White Peach & Coconut with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Raspberries, Heath Toffee bits, and wet nuts.

I called it the "Uh Oh" because we both found out midway through our sundaes that Mardi Gras didn't start til NEXT Tuesday. Huff. It was still a great night and much needed. We be some busy bees with lots of stuff on our minds and jam-packed schedules. We merely were training for the actual Fat Tuesday, which we will dominate next week. Plans pending. Besiiiiiiides....we went to the gym before this epic adventure anyways. Ha.