It's been a lot to change but you will always get what you want.

As you can see, I lurve song lyrics that have a meaning. They don't even have to have a meaning, the reader can make up his/her own meaning to the lyrics in songs. Regardless, music strikes a chord with anyone who listens to their favorite song or band. Music is my solace and my only child at the moment is my pet iPod Kramer. I named it that because if you rearrange the letters in Kramer it spells the word "Marker." There tends to be a long pause after I tell this to people....It's okay. It's my iPod, not yours.

I recently read this intriguing (yeah, I fucking said that) article in Cosmopolitan Magazine (May 2010 issue) about change and how running away from problems isn't such a bad thing as people would think. The article was entitled "You Can Run Away From Your Problems" by Molly Triffin. You'll see me refer to some insightful quotes from the article. But like a good, little, schoolgirl I am, I have mastered (or at least thought I have) proper citation etiquette. Fuck the Works Cited page on this post, yo.

You can read the online version of the article here: "You Can Run Away From Your Problems" By Molly Triffin.

I, too, used to think that running away from something bothersome was an easy way out. As if leaving a problem unresolved. Whenever I was stressed out about something, I knew I would eventually have to deal with it. At the same time I was always under the impression things had to be resolved in order for me and whatever I was dealing with or whomever I was fighting with to be buried so I can move on with my life. But this article actually enlightened me on change and how it's not a bad thing despite our thoughts and fears of change. (If you haven't read my blog from last Sunday, I mention about how I've changed since my experience abroad. I think I'll often use studying abroad in Australia as a reference point to the "old" me and the "new" me. Maybe "slightly changed" me is more appropes).

PhD and coauthor to Mind Over Mood (something I should probably read when I think I'm constantly PMSing even when I'm not supposed to be) Christine Padesky said, "Most of us were taught that we should keep on trying until we make it work [...] Yet sometimes, as counterintuitive as it seems, giving up is the key that leads to success." I'm not saying this goes for all of those things - like goals, friendships, relationships, yourself for that matter - but some things just aren't worth the fight like they were in the past. You can't constantly try and try again, especially if you're the only one trying (if it's an issue between you and another person or group of people). But trying is worth a shot as long as it's something you want.

Change is normal and it happens to us all. We go through phases just like the seasons change. We may be into one thing one moment, then change courses the next and move onto something new until that too changes. "You have to readjust course constantly to keep heading toward the life you want," says another PhD and author Darlene Mininni, who wrote The Emotional Toolkit (another book I'll probably need to read when I'm feeling...emotional). One cannot always expect to stay on a certain, pre-written track all his/her life in order to get where they aspire to be. Things change. People change. LIFE changes.

Another thing the article brought up was a way of leaving a sticky situation and it didn't say on an impulse. It doesn't hurt to try before giving up completely: "Remember that most experiences start off exciting, and then the thrill wears off." This goes for relationships of all kinds - romantic & platonic. They all start off peachy-keen until you begin to see people's true colors. You may even be spending too much time with them as well. Whatever the case, don't freak out if you begin to tiff and get into little arguments and then find yourselves dropping each other altogether.  A quote Padesky used was "brainstorm ways to recapture that passion" and it doesn't have to always mean that love/lustlike pash we read about in romance novels. Vommmmm. But find ways to have fun again or spend time together. It may seem awkward at first or it may be as if nothing bad has ever happened. You can't really tell unless you TRYYYY.

To go along with the whole relationship route that I'm headed in, one must not find themselves to be the only one trying in this case. If you are constantly making the effort while the other party just sits back and sips on mojitos, then something is not hot here. Nay nay to the mojito-sipping while you're being the cabana boy doing all the work. NAY. NAY. Or how the Aussies say, "Noi."

You can only do so much in this case and if nothing seems to change, despite keeping up with changes you've gone through yourself, then maybe it's time to reevaluate your priorities. Is this person really worth the effort? Are they reciprocating that effort towards me? Is this job something I really want? Is this situation worth stressing out about? No more being a pushover, I say. I used to be a pushover until a friend told me not to (I remember this slightly: it was one time when my friend Leonard told me not to be a pushover when dealing with a certain friend of ours). If you've answered no to any of these questions (you really don't have to), then it's probably time to just let go of it and move on. Up and leave. Gracefully and without regret. You've done what you could.

I don't let people walk all over me anymore. I am still nice and considerate of others but I don't go out of my way for someone constantly unless I know they would do the same for me. There's the kicker. My best friend told me this a long time ago. It's not so much letting them take a dump on you because you know you can do the same. It's more of having that person's back no matter what and through whatever knowing that they will do the same for you. No matter what.

Padesky added, "It takes time to adjust, and if you think things are going to be perfect, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Focus on the positive parts of your new life." I used to set myself up for disasters too. I used to think that maybe if I fix things then it'll get better. But sometimes it just ends up worse than it started...because I didn't leave the situation or tried too much, making myself upset in the end. I put all my eggs into one particular basket, leaving all of my other baskets empty. I left those baskets hanging and I didn't think about them until those other baskets weren't around for my eggs no mo'. This "changed" me now spreads my eggs into numerous baskets. Two eggs here. One egg there. Maybe toss three eggs over in that basket. And so forth. If only egg donating was this simple (but reeping the benefits would still be rewarding). Psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD, from Los Angeles put things into great words to live by: "It's liberating to know that you're in control of your destiny. You're not going to let a problem paralyze you - you're going to turn it into an adventure." And that's what life is, an adventure. Full of ups and downs. And I'm hoping that you're enjoying the ups and downs I'm sharing :)