"It [PTSD] kills you from the inside out," a woman told HBO, "My son couldn't escape the horrors of serving two tours in Iraq. He couldn't forgive himself for some of things he did and thought of himself as a murderer and a bad person because he still had the urge to hurt people, to kill people. The United States Army turned my son into a killer, they trained him to kill to protect others. They forgot to untrain him, to take that urge to kill away from him."
The dead soldier she spoke of, her son Noah Pierce, wrote a letter to his mom before he killed himself. In that letter he said, "Mom, I am so sorry. My life has been hell since March 2003 when I was part of the Iraq invasion. It has nothing to do with anyone. Don't stress about this. I'm freeing myself from the desert once and for all. I thought shit would get better but I was wrong..."
In WWI, it was calleed shell shock. But no matter how you slice it, it was still a problem that many people simply overlooked, claiming that soldiers who were feeling "funny" to just suck it up and quit acting like pansies. Shell shock and After by Herb B. Hayden of West Point appeared in The Atlantic Monthly in December1921 and described his experience with shell shock. In his story, he said "I closed up like an oyster for I realized my friends, my country spoke a different language back, and yet not back at all. I still couldn't sleep. An insane desire to kill myself like my four friends had done took possession of me. I would toy with my automatic and figure out the best way to do it." He read several news articles about veterans seeking medical help but not receiving it. "What was wrong with my country?" he thought. "I wish I could properly describe the feeling of utter aloneness in the world. How dreadfully alone a shell-shocked man could be even though surrounded by those who love him most."
It was not until 50 years after WWII that veterans were being diagnosed with PTSD, but it was known as combat fatigue. PVT Michael Shieds, a veteran of the U.S. Army said, "I couldn't tell anybody. I thought every bartender in Brooklyn was my psychiatrist." He thought he was only one who came out of the war "with something wrong with my head." Shields left Africa while the war was still ocurring in 1945 and ended up in a psych ward in the Bronx after saying he was getting severe headches in the battlefield. "I had bad nightmares. I still have bad nightmares. And it takes all goddamn night to kill somebody," he added.
It was not until 50 years after WWII that veterans were being diagnosed with PTSD, but it was known as combat fatigue. PVT Michael Shieds, a veteran of the U.S. Army said, "I couldn't tell anybody. I thought every bartender in Brooklyn was my psychiatrist." He thought he was only one who came out of the war "with something wrong with my head." Shields left Africa while the war was still ocurring in 1945 and ended up in a psych ward in the Bronx after saying he was getting severe headches in the battlefield. "I had bad nightmares. I still have bad nightmares. And it takes all goddamn night to kill somebody," he added.
Gandolfini interviwed U.S. Army Sgt. John Mathews. "My life had been flipped upside down." Mathews suffered from depression, fatigue and contemplated suicide after serving his tour of duty. He said the high alert level in war zone burned him out physically even months after he was back home. "They expect you to just get back into society," the "they" he spoke of being family, friends and even the Army.
In a segment of the documentary called "The Unheard Cry of Jason Scheuerman," a mourning parent shared his son's struggle with PTSD and how it was left overlooked by a psychologist. Jason, who was in the 3rd infantry division, served his tour of duty in Iraq and came from a military family. While Jason was in Iraq he suffered from symptoms of PTSD. After telling his father, he went to see a psychologist who gave him a questionnaire to take. In the questionnaire, Jason said he had thoughts of killing himself, felt anxious, depressed, and felt hopeless. After being evaluated, the psychologist said, "the evaluation revealed that this service member does not currently meet criteria for any mental disorder." Jason called his dad after the evaluation and that was the last time his father spoke to him. Basically, the psychologist said Jason was faking, passively suggested he be a man, and to go back to his unit. This pattern of "being a pansy" was still a typical view by several people even as times changed and the war zone evolved to the Middle East.
Even after a solider serves his tour, coming home is still a struggle. Sgt. 1st Class William Fraas Jr. of the U.S. Army served three tours in Iraq, a total of 29 months before being sent home for PTSD. One instance during the documentary, he was showing the camera pictures that were taken during his tour. "Turn that way!" he said to his son, preventing him from seeing what he lived through as he showed the camera the weapons, gore, and dust of a Middle Eastern conflict. "Every time his anxiety starts going, his leg starts shaking" his wife said. "Even though he wasn't shot or phsycially blown up by shrapnel or anything he still died over there because of who he was, was left over there." PTSD not only affects the person but a family as well.Even during a normal trip to Walmart, his head would be "on a swivel" if it was ever crowded or noisy. Fraas received a medal for bringing his troops home but along with that medal came nightmares he still has almost every night. "I've seen humanity at its worst...and I struggle with that on a daily basis."
The film Brothers, starring Toby McGuire and Jake Gyllenhaal is a prime example of PTSD affecting more than just the person with it. Transitioning back to normal life is something difficult and the ways soldiers cope with that transition oftentimes can turn violent or deathly.According to the film, 30 percent of incarcerated verterans have screen positive for PTSD. The loss of jobs, turning to alcohol for solace, and committing crimes were some of the things veterans said they did after leaving the front line. And if verterans weren't turning to these tactics as a release, then they were most likely hurting themselves.
General Peter Chiarelli of the Army wanted to change this opinion and attitude toward PTSD and suicide in Army. Here is a clip of his interview with Gandolfini...
This clip made me slightly assured that the military was taking PTSD more seriously. Although I do not support wars of any kind or believe that they will solve future problems among fighting nations, I commend those in the military who want to serve our country. The courage and strength each troop embodies is something I cherish. However, the visions of war and the situations each troop has found him or herself in is something I will never be able to relate to. I can't say the war has affected me the same way it has them. I don't think anyone who hasn't served in the military can truly relate to anyone who has. Of course they can experience PTSD, knowing someone or having a loved one serve in the military. But living in a place far from home, constantly having to look over one's shoulder, bringing back nightmares for years to come is certainly something I don't think any soldier wishes to come home with.
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