I know people change and these things happen//But I remember how it was back then...

Can't help but jam to T-Swift's new album "Speak Now." I only heard the whole thing today while I've been in the library slowly but surely getting work done.

I've been stricken with this blah mood lately. I thought it was because a majority of my social circle was at the DMB concert last night (the 2nd night, because I was at the 1st) at MSG while I was left at home alone. I had the option of partying at my friend's house but part of me just wasn't in the mood and I really don't know why. I figured I could clear my head on my morning run earlier. But it's the evening now and I'm still blue. Listening to T-Swift is great but not good. I've always said her lyrics speak to me and could easily relate to my life and all of its..."fuckness" (I believe Snookie coined this term on Jersey Shore).

When I was listening to "If This Was a Movie", the two lines that entitle this post stuck out to me.

Love ya Bub

Last night I had dinner with one of my best friends who I spent a lot of time with last fall before leaving for study abroad. We spent a lot of time together, lived in the same apartment complex, and were basically attached at the hip. She lives in a different house, a distant walk from my own place. So for convenience's sake, when I'm around campus I try to stop by when I can to see her among my other friends who live there. Who I was so used to seeing a lot of in the past. Maybe it was because I was closer to campus. Maybe it was because I wasn't swamped with more work than the President (an exaggeration but I think you can relate) like I am now. Maybe because in general, our lives last year were very different. I'm not saying anything has changed with said friend but last night was the first time that we were able to sit down for more than ten minutes (or see each other in the library doing work) and talk. Catch up. And kinda bring up old stories about hey days we put on hold now until the storm of college work dies down. I'm sure we'll get back into the swing of things when it comes to acting ridiculous once we catch up to the semester that is quickly approaching its end.

I get into these moods where I still think I'm stuck in Australia. I wish (pretty much every other day) I were back there with the same group of shenanigans I studied with last semester. Fortunately, I am not the only one going through Aussie withdrawals. And  luckily, we're still able to communicate and keep in touch the best we can with each other despite our busy schedules and friends from our home universities we left behind for four and a half months. I know its already November and I should be moving forward rather than spiral back into the sad hole but its hard sometimes especially when I look back on the most amazing experience of my life thus far. That's the only excuse I can really make for myself. Not only do I miss how things used to be before I left for Oz, but I also crave the great times I also had in that beautiful country. Double whammy of fuckness/sadness.

SIDENOTE
I just wanna note how I've ran the dishwasher more than an two hours ago and it's still running. Jeez. I also hear a lot of noise from outside my bedroom door that is currently closed. I'm home alone too. Maybe its our neighbor's 3-year old running through their house below us. Gotta love duplexes...duplexi...duplexum. Idk.

I briefly talked to my fellow blogger biddy Red and we kinda both vented to each other about our lives and the current pile of shit they're under. Granted, the best medicine we could give each other (despite the distance) are some solid words of wisdom and the frequented "I miss you"s.

I complained to her how the constant reminder of my being single is getting to me. The invisible "QUARANTINED" stamp on my forehead is really affecting my love life...actually, my like life for that matter, considering I develop little crushes that blow up into balloons then pop once I hear something I wish I didn't hear or see about them. I also have a tendency to fall for people who are a) uninterested, b) unavailable or c) oblivious. But mostly its a). I then get into these blah moods, re-evaluate some of my actions that I could have prevented if I knew it was too good to be true in the first place, then push away (at the same time finding it hard to when I know they're still around).

I live in this fantasy bubble at times and when reality slaps me in the face, the only place to go is back to the start (where I don't even get to collect $200 like in Monopoly). I told Red, "I just want something uncomplicated. Not necessarily a relationship but something...routine I suppose" (I forgot to mention how I wouldn't mind if the said routine would eventually turn into a relationship if we were both okay with it). She replied: "I feel like you have to wade through complicated to get to uncomplicated though. Nobody can go from nothing to regular/relationship/uncomplicated immediately."

And she's right.

Life is never a box of chocolates and the things that we want we won't get instantly. Our dreams and fantasies of our ideal life are not as easy to make a reality as it seems in movies.

• Things fall apart before they come together.
• Everything happens for a reason.
• Things happen when you  least expect it.

These are some things I try to remind myself when I'm in a mood similar to the one I am in now. As Taylor says in "Ours":

So don't you worry your pretty little mind,
People throw rocks at things that shine
and life makes love like look hard*
*my added touch. Remember, I have a like life, not a love life ;)