defeated.

I shoulda wrote this two days ago considering that I felt defeated...well, two days ago. Not so much yesterday or today. I mean, I think about it, reflect on it, share the story of my defeat with friends. But I built my bridge shortly after practice where this defeat occurred.

This is our last week of practice and we've been done with the season for about a week and a half. But our coach says that this week is just "a preview of what winter training will be like when we come back after winter break next semester."

This is the part that I loathe the most about crew. It's allllll indoor for a good solid two and a half months, right before two-a-days/spring break training begins. We don't get to go to Cancun, or Bermuda, or any fun places for that special week off in the Spring. Rather, we stay in New Gross, as a team, and go to rowing practice, in the wind, rain, and sometimes sleet (depending on when Spring break is...it's happened before), or on the erg indoors twice a day for a week. Granted, we spend the week together, having fun and bonding, and celebrating St. Patrick's Day in the city :) So that's a plus!

But the reason for my feeling of defeat that I haven't felt in a long time since that mishap with my Marketing project many a post ago happened at practice. We did erging pieces to get ready for our half marathon on the erg that we all will be doing today. We do it every year to raise money for the rowing team to get new equipment. A half marathon of erging is approximately 21,097 meters, which will take me well over an hour to complete.

OKAY BUT I SHOULD PROBABLY GET TO THE FUCKING DEFEAT STORY.

On Monday we had to do two 35 minute pieces and some core workouts that quickly reminded me of what winter training will involve. I did really well on the two pieces and this is where I rewarded myself with Red Mango after a much needed shower. The next day my hamstrings hated me, and Tuesday's workout was not going to be sympathetic towards the beating my muscles were taking. Tuesday's workout consisted of ten 1000 meter pieces changing the rate (speed) 5 times: 22 strokes a minute, 24, 26, 28, 30. We did two pieces at each rate with a minute of rest in between each piece. When it comes to both running AND erging, I am not a sprinter. I do really well when I pace myself over long periods of time. And since my body was already in pain from Monday's practice, my hamstrings were being really stubborn and the tightness slowed me down. At one point during a minute of rest, I hunched over, sweat dripping EVERYWHERE. I just finished a pathetic piece at a rate of 26 and I lost it. Started to cry into my chest. I didn't have enough time to have a full out mental breakdown so I collected myself and struggled through the remainder of the practice.

I was disappointed with my performance considering I did so well the day before. But I built my bridge afterwards and Wednesday was a new day. But this brush of defeat was something I haven't felt in a long time. This kinda proved to me how passionate I felt about rowing. I didn't wanna let myself down nor did I want to show the novice and my fellow varsity teammates I was struggling when in my mind, as well as their own, I have improved so much since last fall. I believe that we all have our off days and this is one of those instances where I'll get back on my feet and just do better in the future.