Boat shoes, brandy, and custom beemers.

 
I'm contemplating Friend Requesting this tool I met over the summer but knew* prior because he used to go to the same college as me but then transferred to a different school. I only wanna do this because...duhh...I want to see how ridiculous his Facebook page is and make fun of it. Mind you, I don't normally friend request people but I feel as if this is kind of an exception because I feel I deserve a good laugh.
*and when I say "knew", I technically just mean "met once in a bar." Sophomore year, a few biddies and I went to a nearby bar close to campus for some pre-birthday drinks. He came in because he was, at the time, talking to one of my good friends, Sasquatch (who is a TALL female, hence the name). She told him we were celebwating my birfday and before he left, he gave my friend Sasquatch a twenty dolla bill to get drinks with for my birthday. Such a nice gesture considering it was like donating money to a homeless person, me being that homeless person because for the rest of that year I didn't see much of him. Hardly crossing paths. And by the time I said "Thank you!" he already left the bar. Meh, whatevs :)

But I thought I'd share this interesting story from over this past summer when I saw him for the first time since then.

Before I tell this story, I just want to say that I slightly have this uncomfortability around richy, glitzy people and highly exclusive places like gated communities and private beaches. Especially, if its really bourgeois (a term originally for the middle class but now referencing high society, posh elite etc). I feel like I'm a newbie being introduced to a new social class that I feel I don't belong to. As if I'm a freeloader or a poser but I'm really not. I don't know if I make sense but I guess I'm only saying I feel uncomfortable because it's a lifestyle I'm not used to being in. Eventually though, I plan on going to nice places like this when I make a name for myself, kinda like earning the invite myself, ya feel me?

Story goes a lil somethin' like dis (this is where Aaron Carter's "Aaron's Party (Come Get It)" would start playing)...
I had an extra ticket to go see Empire of the Sun at Terminal 5 in the city. My biffle couldn't go and I was really at a loss for potential Empire fans. Sasquatch said she'd go and that she "likes to hear new bands", or something along those lines. I warned her that Empire is pretty out there genre wise but I thoroughly enjoy them. A lot. I saw them at Groovin' the Moo in Bunbury, WA (Western Australia) along with Vampire Weekend, Tegan & Sara, Spoon, Miami Horror among others. An epic musical festival fest. So great. And they definitely know how to put on a show.

Empire of the Sun = AMAZING

Main stage @ Bunbury.

No idea who that guy is.

To get an idea of what EotS sounds like/performs like: watch dis: "Swordfish Hotkiss Night" performed @ GTM in Bendigo (this wasn't the festival I went to but it was really good quality via YouTube). I have vids of my own but no YouTube account yet. Sowwy). 

And here's there official video "Walking On a Dream" (something you've probably heard before):http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eimgRedLkkU&ob=av2e

BACK TO MY STORY. 

Before we would go to the concert, she was invited to go sailing at Gilgo Beach (THE exclusive Jones Beach) with one that I'm contemplating friend requesting/said tool. She asked me to tag along. I've never gone sailing nor have I  been to or around Jones Beach. So why not? 

After getting lost for an hour on the highway, dodging other cars while Sasquatch texts/calls people nonstop, we got chased down Ocean Parkway by a Beemer speeding up next to us. Its Tool McCool. We followed him into a gated community of beach houses. Plugged some 4-digit code to get in. Pissed I don't remember it. 

He gave her a hug and kiss and barely said hi to me. I will admit Sasquatch minded her P's & Q's when it came to having company (me) tag along on this schmooze fest or lack thereof. She introduced me to him and made it seem like I was still visible despite what he thought. I guess he wasn't used to seeing pseudo-minorities in such a distinct area unless they were the help. I'm mean aren't I?

We walked to the beach, passing what was said to be where Billy Joel stays during down time and another beach house where porn films are apparently made. Uptown Girls Gone Wild? Maybe. 

We pass by some locals who Tool McCool knows. He asked this hot lifeguard (?) dude with zinc oxide on his cheeks to get a bunch of peeps together for a game of beach volleyball. Wait what? You're making me socialize with the New York young beach elite? No, no, no. I just wanna catch some sun, y'all. And I suck at sports. Besides crew. And Badminton. And eating. 

This ain't the Jersey Shore. 

I might as well play. I was a guest. And I wanted to be nice. Psh. I shoulda just said I had a bum foot or something because I sucked. I didn't play for long. After Sasquatch and I went for a dip in the pretty blue water, we laid out and caught some rays. Tool McCool came over eventually after his epic fail at giant sand castle-making with some really cool British guy he was staying with there. He offered Sas a Diet Coke, failing to ask me for anything. No, it's okay, no big deal, I don't exist, really I'm fine. Sas took the liberty of asking me if I wanted anything. Thanks, Sas :)

I started some small talk with him. Wanting to get to know him for about 5.7 seconds until I turned on the Selective Hearing button. The weather was beautiful on this early August Sunday. We stayed out in the sun for a long time. Sas was getting hungry - we hadn't eaten all day - and she was still hungover from her epic night out the night before. This is where the story got interesting...

A good year. 

We got back to the beach house and showered. We left to go find a place to eat dinner. We got into his really nice Beemer. Custom-made, obvi. I got into the back seat behind and while he was getting in he asked me to carefully put these two wooden rectangular boxes behind Sas's seat. "Be extremely careful," he said. Sas asked what were in those boxes (and they weren't Double Stuf Oreozz baha watch dis if you wanna: http://www.justintimberlakeonsnl.com/ - scroll down to 2nd video "Justin's First Target Skit"). He said that they were two bottles of brandy that were worth something like $800 a piece. And that one of them were for his dad. And that they were gonna open them at his other house in Albany. And that what was really cool about the bottles of brandayyy were that they were bottled the same year Tool was born. Awwww cahhhuuute! 

Still trying to find a place to fucking eat because apparently Tool is not familiar with Gilgo even though he's been crashing at his friend's beach house. Benefit of the doubt: they tend to cook a lot on their own. Understandable. So while he was driving he started to take off his one pair of boat shoes. He looked behind him and asked me if I could do him a favor. Oh, so now I exist because you need me to do something fo' youu. Foot massage? Happy ending? I was sitting next to a Ralph Lauren Polo big, a big one at that. It was full of five boxes of shoes. He asked if I could take a pair out and switch them with the ones he was wearing. I asked, "Do you want any pair in particular?" "No, anyone is fine...they're all the same." Huh? Sas asked, "Wait, you have five pairs of the same shoes?" "Mmm hmm," Tool said. Then he proceeded to go through this elaborate story about how the salesman was trying to get rid of them and then they struck a deal like he would buy all of them for $100 a pair. So that's $500 for five pairs of the same shoes. I was struck by this. FIVE PAIRS of the SAME SHOES. BOAT SHOES. FIVE PAIRS OF BOAT SHOES. Wow. 

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday...what about Friday?!?!

Sas was still not feeling well and we didn't know anything about the area or where to go. After asking us so many times what we were in the mood for and after numerous replies back to him saying, "We don't care" (just fucking find us a place to grub), he pulls into...none other...than a fucking Pathmark. Yeah, Gilgo Beach meet Middle class America. I wish I knew we were going here to eat dinner because I coulda gotten my mom's Pathmark Advantage Card! This baffled me along with the five pairs of boat shoes. Sarcastic, bitchy, Jules was coming out soon. We walked to the entrance when I asked him, "So, uhh, what colors are your boat shoes?" I forget what he told me. 

All in all the day was interesting but ended on a good note in the form of a concert. I don't think I'll be going to Gilgo Beach anytime soon. At least not until I get my own pair of boat shoes. The Delaware beaches suit me just fine. And I certainly miss the Aussie ones as well :(