Today's diagnosis.

For close to two days now I've been catching up on one of my favorite shows from high school and that would be Grey's Anatomy. I guess with the busy life of college I stopped following the show, let alone having anytime to watch TV at all. The story lines, the romance, the sticky situations, the death and miracles, and memorable quotes and emotional speeches. Watching this show for more than two hours makes me wish I went into medicine. I know it would probably make me wanna pull my hair out and have premature bags under my eyes before the age of 40 but it would keep me busy.*
*when I was younger I wanted to be an anesthesiologist but my parents warned me of the possibilities of getting sued if I ever fucked up and gave a patient the wrong amount of anesthetic.

And this not being busy thing is making bug the fuck out.

I know I said I wanted to makes changes this year but it's a slow start. I have my ups and downs and am uber emotional and I guess I have my PMS to blame for that since the way I'm currently feeling is making me want to blog...or vent. Oh, and I've cried.

I'm sick and tired of being stuck in my house when not many of friends aren't back at school or they are away having great times or going on fun trips. But me, I'm stuck in my house, walking around the minimal space that there is and bugging out. I feel like a housewife and a chauffeur to my other roommates, cleaning the kitchen and vacuuming and doing my laundry while picking them up and dropping them off to and from the city where they go and do fun things. Well, not both but mostly one of them. But within the past two days I've picked one up and dropped the other off. Only to come back to an empty apartment with nothing to do because my other friends are not around.

When I was bitching to a friend about being bored out of my mind, she said that I'm gonna wish I was bored with nothing to do when I become really busy. And this time right now is just a sort of limbo before school starts. Even during these times when I do come back to school before it starts I hope to spend that time with my friends but they're not even around. Do they have lives more fulfilling than mine? Probably, but I really hope not!

I know that I'm going to have no time to be bored and catch up on old episodes of Grey's Anatomy and I'm probably going to cry from being so stressed out more than I cry now. But is it just me or does anyone else get exhausted from being alone or bored? Trust me, I do enjoy me time once in a while but for days at a time makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs or jump off of something really, really high.

I admit that I freak myself out and forget to breath and lash out and say things I don't mean and get emotional and lonely and all of those other feelings that no one wants to feel. I panic and get anxious all because my life is not how I want it to be.

Whenever I get into these moods, I always say I've fallen to my lowest point. But maybe I just think that because of how I'm feeling at the time. And I know the next day I'm going to feel better than I was the day before but everything would still be the same. Life is a roller coaster, especially for girls. We are emotional creatures we are, we are. Back to my marathon. McDreamy will make me feel better I hope :)