Since I moved up to New Gross this past July I've always had this I-can't-wait-to-go-home feeling whenever long weekends or hoildays came. For some reason I looked forward to coming home for a few days rather than staying at school, where I'd be 21, hanging out with friends, going to the city, and basically that whole having fun without having to tell your parents you're leaving the house or having to clean up your room before being able to go somewhere. I was freeeeeeeee. Huff. This semester was a whirlwind of emotions for me. There was always something that had to be dealt with and mainly it wasn't anything good. I went away for college to escape from my small town and get out of the state in general and maybe learn a few things on my own. It was tough to begin with and it still is, especially when you forget something at home and have to wait until the next long weekend or holiday to go get it*
*unless it's of dire importance and has to be shipped...like a vibrator. JUST KIDDINGGGGG.
Hilarious SIDENOTE
I recently wrote this on Red's wall:
"sooo i'm kinda in a dilemma. not so much a dilemma but annoyed at something. something i'm trying that's kinda new and is going to take me this coming semester to try out. And no, it's not roller derby (although I wish it was that). MISS YOU SOOO"
My friend DJ Pauly D (the better than the real one) commented on my wall post with this:
"you're so brave for coming out on facebook."
I replied:
"Thanks baby!!"
I really sound like a closeted lesbian don't I? Huff. Who am I kidding, I just confessed my love for Kate French yesterday. This post is quite homosexual and it doesn't even have to do with sexual orientation.
ANYWAYS BACK TO MY POST ABOUT HAOME!
Since 8th grade I knew I didn't want to go to University of Delaware not only because it was fifteen minutes from my house (where my mom would probably visit every weekend and offer to do my laundry) and not only because I was most likely going to see half of my graduating class as well as graduates from other nearby Delaware high schools. But also because I knew that I wanted to do something in Mass Communication and the best place to get my foot in the door would be in the mecca of all places Media-oriented...NEW YAWK CITY. I applied to several colleges in the state: Syracuse, Marist, Marymount Manhattan College, the college I currently attend, and on a whim motivated by my mother, NYU. Granted, I wasn't accepted to either NYU or Syracuse (no duhh), was wait-listed at Marist* (ouch), and hated Marymount Manhattan (nice location, but super expensive & super small). I was waiting to hear from American University in D.C. BEAUTIFUL CAMPUS, my ideal size population, located within a metropolitan city, somewhat prestigious, AND diverse.
*when I received my wait-list letter it was addressed to some guy I actually ended up having a Sociology class with freshmen year. We were both put in the same group for a project and I remember him asking, "Did you apply to Marist?" I said, "Yeah, I think I got your letter." "Yeah, I got yours," he said. We both shared the same name. Both applied to Marist. Both got wait-listed. And both ended up going to the same college anyways. SMALL FUCKING WORLD.
I was accepted to American University :)
But the financial aid package was not going to cut it for my family who was going through financial difficulty at the worst time. I remember crying in our computer room when my mom had to tell me I couldn't go. This was worse than finding out Santa Claus wasn't real. "You can go to a great college for grad school," she told me. HA! I kissed my graduate school aspirations goodbye around the end of my sophomore year of the college I ended up going to, which I'm glad to say I love. Even though it was a safety school to begin with.
SO BACKKKK TO HOME
Before when I would come home, I would want to visit my friends and hang out and go to house parties and just have fun with them, catching up on old times and talking about college. Now, I don't even see said friends, let alone keep in touch with them. If I do, it turns into one of those "Yeah, let's def get together when you're home for break!" that actually never happens. I opt to stay at home, with my parents, and do nothing. AND I AM TOTALLY OKAY WITH THAT. I think the tough times and stress of college really take its toll on me now. I come home sighing with relief when I pull my car into the driveway - my mom still watches out the window anticipating my arrival and still comes out and helps me bring my dirty laundry in. I sit at the kitchen table and catch up with my parents on my busy life collegiate life. I sleep in my own bed that is soo comfy I don't want to get out of it. I look around the house to see if anything has changed and for the most part, it hasn't. It's still that cozy townhouse I've grown up in. I'm home :)
So when I get ready to go back to school, I have this sad feeling that looms over me the night before. I dread the next day when I'll have to pack up my car with clean clothes, a full tank of gas, and having to say bye while holding back tears. I just get so sad and it kills me. I truly relish in those visits home that tend to go by faster than the season. It's a relief to get out of the business of my routine life. But sometimes it's okay to go back to it too, feeling refreshed. Even though I enjoy coming home, I still wish my mom didn't put the laundry away in my drawers at the ASS CRACK of dawn.
It's been a lovely winter break in Delaware 2010. Until next year.
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