Cold feet.

In a literal sense, my feet are freezing. It's not so much of a problem for me. But it is annoying how they are kinda clammy AND cold. I don't want that.

Two nights ago I decided on a whim that I wanted to come home right then and there. Not, Saturday morning as I planned but at that moment. My best friend left for the city and my other roommate went home the night before so I was in our duplex alone. I've been alone before but for some reason I think it was the fact that I just wanted to be with my loved ones as they were with theirs (Gi with her family and Kayla with her boyf & family).

Right after I said goodbye to Kayla I went upstairs, walked around our living space and started dialing for home in a slight panic. I don't freak out but when I finally got a hold of my mom I kinda started to tear up...okay, fine, I actually cried saying, "I wanna come home now." She told me to relax and calm down before I leave because she didn't want me driving if I was upset and plus it was close to 9pm when I made the decision to come home.

It was a pretty busy week with a few unnecessary stresses that occurred and I was just anxious to be somewhere where I could just relax and get away from what was bothering me. Bothersome things in a sense of being in the town where this stress was occurring.*
*Getting away for a while before coming back to a stressful place is not running away...at least not to me. Everyone needs some clarity. Clarity. I like that word. 

After talking to her for a while and apologizing for being a cry baby (literally), I called my other biffle Tor Tor saying I was just gonna leave then - I figured she'd be surprised if I just up and left without informing her haha. I hurried to pack the rest of my stuff, packed the car, filled it up with gas, drank some Red Bull and was off. After commercial radio was becoming repetitive I put in T-Swift's latest album and cried when the sentimental songs and their lyrics came on as I thought about the stressful things of the past week (I don't know if I've noted this before but her lyrics speak to me and I could relate in some odd way to a majority of her songs).

I made good timing, didn't get pulled over by NJ Turnpike policia and didn't have any cars honk at me. Most importantly, I didn't fall asleep either. I was pretty exhausted the entire week from running around aimlessly and working early in the morning.

Soooo, now that I'm home, I feel a bit relaxed. There are some things that I still need to take care of and things that I'm gonna think of while I'm at home. Clear my head, make some decisions, think about the new year ahead of me and maybe re-evaluate certain areas of my life if I want to make not only my last semester of college something memorable and amazing but also the new year something to really leave an impression on my well-being...if that makes sense.

Not only is the title of the post literal but it is also meaningful to me. I shouldn't have cold feet about the changes to come in my future, whatever those changes may be. I know of some changes but not all. Some of them may be frightening at first thought and I may think I won't be able to adapt to such changes but when the time comes to tackle them is when I shall have cold feet no more. It's not a bad thing, change. If you've followed me on this blogging journey, you'll understand my thoughts on change. Or you may not. I think one thing we can all agree upon is that change happens.  

Here, I leave you with a somewhat funny/weird/awkward/thought-provoking/face-making video. Crystal Castles, a duo I'm really into and want to see this coming March, has a song named "Cry Babies." As I was proceeding to find a video file to convert to an MP3 file for the pet pod Kramer, I found this video. Not only does it make me laugh (sorta) but it sorta does the trip to pacify a crying baby, as I can be one at times. Like really? Telletubbies and Crystal Castles. I could never imagine. Their sound acquires a certain taste for all sorts of different music but I love this duo.