Sort Of

Sort Of - Ingrid Michaelson

I remember when this song used to make me cry. Legitimately walking on the sidewalk crying before class. On the sidewalk closest to my apartment and away from the main strip where you could easily see familiar faces. "Omg why are you crying?!" they'd probably ask if they knew me. And if they didn't know me, they'd probably say, "Eww, why the fuck is she crying. Fucking weirdo!"

I remember one time I was walking to class and my eyes just started to fill up with tears. Thank God no one saw me. I was listening to the lyrics and relating my life to every last word. When music becomes so significant to how you're feeling at the time, you can't but let it consume you and let yourself go. I had this weird crush on someone I worked with and it just was in no way, shape, or form turning into anything. I had a mere high schoolish crush and those just simply don't do so well in college especially when you're still like a kid and won't tell your crush how you feel. I was gaga over this person and it maybe it simply was because of our similar taste in music and my attraction to freckles. Lots of precious little freckles.

But ever since then this song has still stuck with me and I listen to it, relating it to all of my relationships no matter how meaningless or serious they were. Because I feel that in most relationships or "relationships" I've been involved in, this song has always been significant. The lyrics always made sense. And more times than not, I'd just want to hurl over with such overwhelming sadness and hold my stomach and cry like there's no tomorrow. Like this huge wave of pain I just want to let out when I really look like I'm trying to fart and the gas pains are making me hurl over in pain.

It's all a little ridiculous, I know. But dammit, Ingrid just knows how to say it...

Baby you've got the sort of hands to rip me apart
And baby you've got the sort of face to start this old heart
But your eyes are warning me this early morning
That my love's too big for you my love

Baby you've got the sort of laugh that waters me
And makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me
I find you stunning, but you are running me down
My love's too big for you my love
My love's too big for you my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

Baby you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales
That your sort of mouth just will not say, the truth impales
That you don't need me, but you won't leave me
My love's too big for you my love
My love's too big for you my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

Tell me what to do to take away the you?

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no.
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again