Hey you,
I was supposed to call you back last Sunday. I saw you left me a voice mail and at first I didn't know it'd be from you. But I'm glad it was and I'm glad I got to hear your voice. It's been a while. Well, not that long. I saw you last month and I think I really needed that because I wasn't feeling so great. And I'm glad you came up here to see me and I got to show you around. You have no idea how happy I was to get that text from you on Easter saying you'd be up here to visit! Literally, I wanted to start crying I was so happy.
I remember when you told me where you were and I knew exactly where to find you. I wanted to dodge all the cabs in Union Square just to get across the street and hug ya. It was awkward at first with your friends but when do language barriers make anything easy, right? You lost some weight, actually, a lot. So I didn't mind buying you those little cupcakes from Melissa's. I hope you ate the ones you saved! I mean, they weren't expensive or anything I just hoped you enjoyed them as much as you said you did. I know the city isn't your favorite place and it's A LOT different than home, or haome as we pronounce it. I don't think anyone up here minus my friend Katie will understand the Mid-Atlantic accent. She's from South Jersey so she's my one and only Phillies fan up here who gets the same crap about her accent as I do. And the same crap for being a Phillies fan. To hear your voice made me feel like I wasn't alone as gay as that sounds. So I'm glad I got to hear a familiar accent from...haome.
I talked to your mom. We both really miss you. And I'm sure Pepe and Callie miss you too. The first time I met Callie she walked over to me then immediately laid on her back so I could rub her belly. Sly little bitch hahaha. She was cute though and I'm glad your parents adopted her. And it gives Pepe someone to play with even though Pepe was such a fucking diva. She still is a diva but I love her. I hope your mom isn't feeding her a lot though. She's starting to get a little chubby. Or maybe it could be her hair. Maybe she hadn't been to the groomers last time I saw her.
I was looking through old pictures on Facebook when we were in our school uniforms and I remember our car rides home. Remember that time we went to go get books before senior year and afterwards we were trying to figure out where to go get lunch and you were on the phone with your dad and he recommended Arby's and you made a weird orgasm noise to the suggestion? I still laugh about that. Or the time we went to Brewster's and you got so pissed because you were waiting in "a long ass line with a bunch of fucking idiots"? I would just stand there and laugh to myself because you hated being in crowded places. You would always get like that when we were in line at the movie theater or at Panera. I would be trying to talk to you and there you are looking over your
shoulder hoping you wouldn't see anyone you knew. And if you did see
someone you knew, you would say something like, "Eww, she's a cunt." And
I would just laugh. Panera was always a good choice. Cinnamon Crunch bagels. Every single time. And you never put dressing on your salad. You were weird like that but I still loved you. "Expand your horizons and try something new!" I'd say. And you would just glare at me hahahaha.
I can't wait to go home at some point in the summer time. We'll go get a Cinnamon Crunch bagel and maybe go to the movies. You better not fall asleep this time! Woodside will be open too. We'll wait in line and I can watch you awkwardly order your ice cream in a really low voice because you don't want people eavesdropping around you hahaha. But our car adventures are what make me laugh. Loud music, laughing, swerving, judging other drivers, Wawa pit stops and running into prissy bitches we went to school with. I got along with everyone but you pretty much didn't like anyone I was friends with hahah. Oh well, you didn't judge me! That disgusted look on your face would always make me laugh so I really didn't care who you disliked lol. One day we'll cruise and pretend to be cool again haha.
You don't always make the best decisions but I love you anyways. I remember one time I had to lay it on you and say, "Get your shit together! It's not fucking funny anymore," and I'm surprised you didn't get mad. "I know, I know. I'm gonna," you said. I still believe that. With time. Lots and lots of time. But you just gotta stop getting discouraged, dammit. I know you can do it. Your family knows too. I've always had your back and I still do. So don't lie to me. You know not to lie to me. You know pretty much everything about me so be honest with me. It may not be what I want to hear but I want to be there for you and you know that. Remember that time I told you something and you were like, "Ummm, okayyy...so??" You weren't even surprised and that's what I love about you. You never judged me and always had my back. You still do even if I don't see or hear from you often. I still have your best interests at heart too. And even though I gotta play the middleman sometimes between you and your parents I always still had your back. What I admire is that you have so many goals. I remember when you were at UD and you told me your plan and I was so happy. You were gonna get an internship - you basically were already offered it! You knew what you wanted to be after college because after all the shit you've gone through you wanted to be able to help other people when you were older. And I believe you can still do that. Eventually. You just gotta believe in yourself and not forget your dreams. They're still possible. Anything's possible.
I can't wait to hear from you soon.
The Riot's Gone - Santigold
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