Please watch how cute these fuckers are. I think when I come home in the early morning, hopefully as the sun is rising, I'll put on 500 Days of Summer. Everyone have a safe and joyous new year and ring it in with someone who isn't a douchebag. Muah muahs to all :)
What Are You Doing New Years Eve? by Zooey & Joseph :)
I'll also leave you with some humorous NYE banter I had with my best friend from Delaware, Stephy poo...
Steph: Man, I wish you were gonna be here for new years...actually, nevermind. You wouldn't wanna be here for new years, would you...
Me: Yeah, no I wouldn't wanna be here for new years. Because last time I was here for new years, Georgie fingered me in your beach house.
[[awkward silence]]
Steph: I...uhh, wasn't expecting you to say that. But okay!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
This is how Santa really felt...
Skrillex's official music video for "Ruffneck." So festive - it truly captures America's financial crisis through the eyes of a "jolly, old fellow." Enjoy!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Good tidings!
With Christmas vastly approaching, I thought I'd post something since I've been M.I.A. for the past two days due to high volumes of Christmas-themed chaos (present shopping, drinking to stay sane, crying over using my credit card, not knowing what to get certain people, etc.). Here are two great holiday ha-ha videos...Oh, and if you celebrate Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Christmahanukwanzaakah, then I can't help you. The last video is the best...
Icy Step
Christmas puppies
Icy Step
Christmas puppies
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
The waiting game
This winter has not only been sporadic in terms of weather but also in terms of my personal life. Not trying to sound thought-provoking, it's not like I'm going to get published in #ThoughtCatalog anytime soon. But I've encountered some of the most interesting situations recently and I'm not sure what to think of them. Some good, some bad (maybe?), many certainly confusing. I guess my boss was right, "The universe works in mysterious ways." I stop reading my horoscope when things get a little weird.
Probably one of the many deep articles I've read on TC include Chelsea Fagan's recent one You Don't Need to Say Anything. We always say those words but we sometimes expect the person we say it to to respond. We want an answer, we just don't ask for one. Sometimes because we don't want to look vulnerable, or because we don't know how to say things a certain way, or simply because we're just downright confused about whatever it is that's on our mind and we just don't know how to say it.
Fagan wrote about burning bridges with people who played a significant role at one time in her life but now are just fleeting memories she either intentionally or unintentionally "left untended for years until weeds grew through it and the railing fell apart and it became something you might take a black-and-white picture of, but you could never cross again."
It was kind of sad to read but then again, what relevant-to-one's-life TC article isn't? It was sad in a sense that all I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs was, "FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT!"
Not really. But still.
In a twentysomething's mindset, "letting people down easy" is just plain wrong. To me, I think it's honest and less confusing - it keeps parties from guessing how a situation is currently sitting. You simply say it, wish each other well (if applicable), and go on living life. It's not hard, it shouldn't hurt (if it does, learn from it), and it's less time-consuming. I think I'm trying to sell honesty in an infomercial here.
I have left many a bridge unburned, simply because I didn't know what was going on. I'm a bit of a space cadet (probably an understatement according to my social circle) and yeah, I have the tendency to look far into things. But rather thancrying for a few days jumping to conclusions, I force myself to simply just sit and wait. Patience is a virtue that I fail to put to practice on my own. I think we have instant messaging, text, BBM, a spoiled childhood, etc. to thank for all of our impatience.
But can you blame me for not wondering how things pan out? After getting played over the summer (along with failed attempts at dating), I tried to avoid going down the same route twice. But I think there's a pattern in my dating "track record" that I've took notice to. It's like that speed bump of uncertainty you're trying to drive over. It seems small but it can really do some damage to your undercarriage (totally just updated my Facebook status with my epic analogy). Yes, dating is exciting, it's fun, it makes you all...bajiggity (reference to Cameron Diaz chick flick The Sweetest Thing). But there's a weird standstill at one point or another. A screeching halt right before that speed bump.
However, uncertainty isn't always a bad thing. It can be a moment of clarity, a time to refresh the mind and really think about things, some "me" time to one's self. If the juice is truly worth the squeeze, you wait for it. You let that sucker ripen up on its own schedule. You give it space and time to grow. You keep yourself occupied with the priorities you have on your plate. Just because you're waiting for fruit to grow doesn't mean you should drop everything else. That fruit wasn't there before, you had a life before that fruit was in the picture! When it's ready, you'll know - it'll let you know. I'm not guaranteeing a high success rate here but you do things for a reason. There's a risk to pretty much anything these days, but we still take them.
And no matter how things pan out, whether good or bad, everything is going to be fine. Like Fagan said, "We’re all okay, and there are so many exciting things in front of us — let’s let that be enough."
Probably one of the many deep articles I've read on TC include Chelsea Fagan's recent one You Don't Need to Say Anything. We always say those words but we sometimes expect the person we say it to to respond. We want an answer, we just don't ask for one. Sometimes because we don't want to look vulnerable, or because we don't know how to say things a certain way, or simply because we're just downright confused about whatever it is that's on our mind and we just don't know how to say it.
Fagan wrote about burning bridges with people who played a significant role at one time in her life but now are just fleeting memories she either intentionally or unintentionally "left untended for years until weeds grew through it and the railing fell apart and it became something you might take a black-and-white picture of, but you could never cross again."
It was kind of sad to read but then again, what relevant-to-one's-life TC article isn't? It was sad in a sense that all I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs was, "FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT!"
Not really. But still.
In a twentysomething's mindset, "letting people down easy" is just plain wrong. To me, I think it's honest and less confusing - it keeps parties from guessing how a situation is currently sitting. You simply say it, wish each other well (if applicable), and go on living life. It's not hard, it shouldn't hurt (if it does, learn from it), and it's less time-consuming. I think I'm trying to sell honesty in an infomercial here.
I have left many a bridge unburned, simply because I didn't know what was going on. I'm a bit of a space cadet (probably an understatement according to my social circle) and yeah, I have the tendency to look far into things. But rather than
But can you blame me for not wondering how things pan out? After getting played over the summer (along with failed attempts at dating), I tried to avoid going down the same route twice. But I think there's a pattern in my dating "track record" that I've took notice to. It's like that speed bump of uncertainty you're trying to drive over. It seems small but it can really do some damage to your undercarriage (totally just updated my Facebook status with my epic analogy). Yes, dating is exciting, it's fun, it makes you all...bajiggity (reference to Cameron Diaz chick flick The Sweetest Thing). But there's a weird standstill at one point or another. A screeching halt right before that speed bump.
However, uncertainty isn't always a bad thing. It can be a moment of clarity, a time to refresh the mind and really think about things, some "me" time to one's self. If the juice is truly worth the squeeze, you wait for it. You let that sucker ripen up on its own schedule. You give it space and time to grow. You keep yourself occupied with the priorities you have on your plate. Just because you're waiting for fruit to grow doesn't mean you should drop everything else. That fruit wasn't there before, you had a life before that fruit was in the picture! When it's ready, you'll know - it'll let you know. I'm not guaranteeing a high success rate here but you do things for a reason. There's a risk to pretty much anything these days, but we still take them.
And no matter how things pan out, whether good or bad, everything is going to be fine. Like Fagan said, "We’re all okay, and there are so many exciting things in front of us — let’s let that be enough."
Monday, December 12, 2011
Asian babies fighting
Compliments of Mashable.com...
These will be my kids hopefully one day...
The Cutest, Deadliest Fight in all of History
These will be my kids hopefully one day...
The Cutest, Deadliest Fight in all of History
Quit your bitchin!
...and get me a samich!
But no, really, we need to stop complaining about shit. Of course, I'm one of the most guilty culprits of complaining about things. "Wahh, why me?! Wahh, WTF, this is horseshit I always get the short end of the stick, why can't I have this or that. It's not fair! I'm gonna eat guac - I'm not hungry but I'm gonna make it and be emotional and eat it all by myself...huff!"
Why do I feel compelled to blog about something that I, along with you, do on a regular basis? Because I read it on fucking Thought Catalog! (Dun dun dun). Ryan O'Connell wrote another awesome article that is the epitome of the twentysomethings of today.
I must say I'm guilty of a few things on that list, especially #3. But who isn't/wasn't?! C'mon, we live in a world of instant gratification and I think the fact that people communicate via text more so than actually having decent conversations over the phone. This makes it a lot more difficult to really commit to a lasting or somewhat lengthy relationship without having someone jump to conclusions or foam at the mouth when someone responds with a text that says, "I'm fine" (you probably read that in at least 15.875 different ways because that's what we do with texts. You also asked your closest girlfriends what that means because you're not "smart" enough to understand who you're talking to so you ask others because they apparently got PhDs in Textology Sciences).
I'm just saying.
But maybe with the new year approaching, we could probably work on a few things and try to go out with our fwiendz without crying at a bar because someone screened our phonecalls. We're all fragile creatures...so someone please pass me the super glue. Kthanks.
But no, really, we need to stop complaining about shit. Of course, I'm one of the most guilty culprits of complaining about things. "Wahh, why me?! Wahh, WTF, this is horseshit I always get the short end of the stick, why can't I have this or that. It's not fair! I'm gonna eat guac - I'm not hungry but I'm gonna make it and be emotional and eat it all by myself...huff!"
Why do I feel compelled to blog about something that I, along with you, do on a regular basis? Because I read it on fucking Thought Catalog! (Dun dun dun). Ryan O'Connell wrote another awesome article that is the epitome of the twentysomethings of today.
I must say I'm guilty of a few things on that list, especially #3. But who isn't/wasn't?! C'mon, we live in a world of instant gratification and I think the fact that people communicate via text more so than actually having decent conversations over the phone. This makes it a lot more difficult to really commit to a lasting or somewhat lengthy relationship without having someone jump to conclusions or foam at the mouth when someone responds with a text that says, "I'm fine" (you probably read that in at least 15.875 different ways because that's what we do with texts. You also asked your closest girlfriends what that means because you're not "smart" enough to understand who you're talking to so you ask others because they apparently got PhDs in Textology Sciences).
I'm just saying.
But maybe with the new year approaching, we could probably work on a few things and try to go out with our fwiendz without crying at a bar because someone screened our phonecalls. We're all fragile creatures...so someone please pass me the super glue. Kthanks.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Did I ever tell you about that one time...
I gave someone's number to some creepy French man on the train only to have him remember me months later when I was on the same train as him?
Yeah, ugh I am suuuuch a beeyatch. But a long, long time ago I was on the last train back to New Ro close to 2am on a Friday night (well, Saturday morning at this point). They were many vacant seats open so I had an array to choose from. Naturally, I opt for a window-seat with an empty seat next to me. I drunkenly feast on one of those pretzels I bought from a vendor outside of Grand Central Station.
Of course, this older gentleman, slightly disheveled, a little rotund and lacking some hair decided to pick the empty seat next to me to sit in. He would. Fucking creep. I thought to myself, "Really? Really. Of all the empty fucking seats you could lay your old, drunken body across, you decide to sit uncomfortably next to moi? Seriously, guy, look over there! That's a three-seater row with no one in it! WTF!"
What drunkenly came out of my mouth was actually this, "You want some pretzel?" And then his stupid French accent came out as he tried to "woo" me. Ha. Mind you, the French language is schexy. Scho schexy but only when not-so creepy folk speak it.
Read on for some dialogue:
After I asked him if he wanted some pretzel...
Creepy French Man: Oh, no thank you.
Me: Whoa! Are you French? Parle vous englais?
CFM: Oui, oui, I am haha...are you?
Me: Ummm, no! But I know a girl who's from Lyon.
CFM: Ah, yes Lyon. Beautiful.
Me: Haha yeah, don't you know it! (feeling awkward here, continue to eat pretzel)
CFM: So, where are you headed?
Me: Oh, uhh, I live in New Rochelle.
CFM: Me too!
Me: (feeling disgusted) oh. Yeah, it's not a bad area.
CFM: I'm looking to buy a place to live.
Me: Oh, you don't live there?
CFM: Well, you see, I rent. I'm looking to own an apartment.
Me: Oh, okayyyyy.
CFM: Yes...my, you are pretty!
Me: Ugh...thanks.
CFM shifts his body towards (gross) and touches my leg. I try to ignore the fact that he put his old, creepy hand on my leg.
Me: Yah, so, where are you looking to buy an apartment?
CFM: Uhh New Rochelle, maybe Larchmont or uhhh, Mamaroneck?
Me: Ohh, yeah Larchmont is nice.
His hand is still on my fucking leg and moving. ajkldfawioe;aji gdklfjsa!!
CFM: Oh, yeah?
Me: Uh huh...and so is Scarsdale.
CFM: Where do you think I should buy?
Me: I don't know really. What's your budget?
CFM: I don't really have one...
Me: (thinking, "Well aren't you a fucking high roller!") Hmm, yeah maybe Scarsdale. White Plains is also nice but that's can be pretty steap.
CFM: Oh really? I want to stay around New Rochelle.
Me: Well, I know the Avalon has really nice apartments near the train station. You know where that is?
CFM: Yes, yes (as he eerily stares at me still touching my leg and leaning in).
Me: Umm you might wanna chill out. I have a boyfriend.
CFM: Oh, do you?
Me: Yeah, he's a Marine. He's completed two tours - one in Iraq and one in Afghanistan (complete bullshit fyi).
CFM: Oh, I see.
Me: Yeah, but I'm probably gonna break up with him when he goes on his next tour in February.
CFM: Really?
Me: Yah, so maybe then we can talk.
CFM: Yes? You will give me your number when we get off the train?!
Me: Sure. But I get off at Pelham not New Rochelle.
CFM reaches for my hand and kisses it and continues to caress my leg.
Me: You better stop! My boyfriend is picking me up from the train station...and he has a gun.
CFM: (his hand is NOW off my leg) really? Your boyfriend is picking you up.
Me: Yeah, and if he sees me talking to you he'll blow up.
CFM: Oh, okay I'm sorry. But what is your name?
Me: It's Sam*
*I don't have a friend named Sam who's number I gave away. Let's say I literally took a number out of my phonebook and gave it to him.
CFM: Sam? Ohhh, Sam, you are beautiful.
Me: Yah, ok.
CFM: What is your number?
Me: (give CFM a number out of my phone)
CFM: Okay, so in February I can call?
Me: (Exhausted) yeah, yeah, yeah, okieee this is my stop. Nice meeting you kbyeeee.
CFM: Goodbye, Sam :)
Months go by since this occurred and I'm on a train going to Grand Central. I'm standing by the door waiting for the train to come to a halt so I can get off. A disheveled looking man is standing across from me. I caught him stealing some of my glances. He clearly got a haircut because I didn't know it was him at first. I get off the train jamming to my iPod.
CFM: Excuse me? Sam?
Me: Huh?
CFM: Is your name Sam?
Me: (COMPLETELY REMEMBERING WHO HE IS) uhhh no?
CFM: Oh, I'm so sorry. You look like my friend Sam.
Me: Uhh ok. (Turned white, jetted for the exit).
Hahaha and that fact that he referred to "Sam" as a friend. Balls. So, if any of you people who read my blog receive a phonecall from a creepy French-sounding man asking for "Sam", then you have me to blame for my drunken oopsie.
Yeah, ugh I am suuuuch a beeyatch. But a long, long time ago I was on the last train back to New Ro close to 2am on a Friday night (well, Saturday morning at this point). They were many vacant seats open so I had an array to choose from. Naturally, I opt for a window-seat with an empty seat next to me. I drunkenly feast on one of those pretzels I bought from a vendor outside of Grand Central Station.
Of course, this older gentleman, slightly disheveled, a little rotund and lacking some hair decided to pick the empty seat next to me to sit in. He would. Fucking creep. I thought to myself, "Really? Really. Of all the empty fucking seats you could lay your old, drunken body across, you decide to sit uncomfortably next to moi? Seriously, guy, look over there! That's a three-seater row with no one in it! WTF!"
What drunkenly came out of my mouth was actually this, "You want some pretzel?" And then his stupid French accent came out as he tried to "woo" me. Ha. Mind you, the French language is schexy. Scho schexy but only when not-so creepy folk speak it.
Read on for some dialogue:
After I asked him if he wanted some pretzel...
Creepy French Man: Oh, no thank you.
Me: Whoa! Are you French? Parle vous englais?
CFM: Oui, oui, I am haha...are you?
Me: Ummm, no! But I know a girl who's from Lyon.
CFM: Ah, yes Lyon. Beautiful.
Me: Haha yeah, don't you know it! (feeling awkward here, continue to eat pretzel)
CFM: So, where are you headed?
Me: Oh, uhh, I live in New Rochelle.
CFM: Me too!
Me: (feeling disgusted) oh. Yeah, it's not a bad area.
CFM: I'm looking to buy a place to live.
Me: Oh, you don't live there?
CFM: Well, you see, I rent. I'm looking to own an apartment.
Me: Oh, okayyyyy.
CFM: Yes...my, you are pretty!
Me: Ugh...thanks.
CFM shifts his body towards (gross) and touches my leg. I try to ignore the fact that he put his old, creepy hand on my leg.
Me: Yah, so, where are you looking to buy an apartment?
CFM: Uhh New Rochelle, maybe Larchmont or uhhh, Mamaroneck?
Me: Ohh, yeah Larchmont is nice.
His hand is still on my fucking leg and moving. ajkldfawioe;aji gdklfjsa!!
CFM: Oh, yeah?
Me: Uh huh...and so is Scarsdale.
CFM: Where do you think I should buy?
Me: I don't know really. What's your budget?
CFM: I don't really have one...
Me: (thinking, "Well aren't you a fucking high roller!") Hmm, yeah maybe Scarsdale. White Plains is also nice but that's can be pretty steap.
CFM: Oh really? I want to stay around New Rochelle.
Me: Well, I know the Avalon has really nice apartments near the train station. You know where that is?
CFM: Yes, yes (as he eerily stares at me still touching my leg and leaning in).
Me: Umm you might wanna chill out. I have a boyfriend.
CFM: Oh, do you?
Me: Yeah, he's a Marine. He's completed two tours - one in Iraq and one in Afghanistan (complete bullshit fyi).
CFM: Oh, I see.
Me: Yeah, but I'm probably gonna break up with him when he goes on his next tour in February.
CFM: Really?
Me: Yah, so maybe then we can talk.
CFM: Yes? You will give me your number when we get off the train?!
Me: Sure. But I get off at Pelham not New Rochelle.
CFM reaches for my hand and kisses it and continues to caress my leg.
Me: You better stop! My boyfriend is picking me up from the train station...and he has a gun.
CFM: (his hand is NOW off my leg) really? Your boyfriend is picking you up.
Me: Yeah, and if he sees me talking to you he'll blow up.
CFM: Oh, okay I'm sorry. But what is your name?
Me: It's Sam*
*I don't have a friend named Sam who's number I gave away. Let's say I literally took a number out of my phonebook and gave it to him.
CFM: Sam? Ohhh, Sam, you are beautiful.
Me: Yah, ok.
CFM: What is your number?
Me: (give CFM a number out of my phone)
CFM: Okay, so in February I can call?
Me: (Exhausted) yeah, yeah, yeah, okieee this is my stop. Nice meeting you kbyeeee.
CFM: Goodbye, Sam :)
Months go by since this occurred and I'm on a train going to Grand Central. I'm standing by the door waiting for the train to come to a halt so I can get off. A disheveled looking man is standing across from me. I caught him stealing some of my glances. He clearly got a haircut because I didn't know it was him at first. I get off the train jamming to my iPod.
CFM: Excuse me? Sam?
Me: Huh?
CFM: Is your name Sam?
Me: (COMPLETELY REMEMBERING WHO HE IS) uhhh no?
CFM: Oh, I'm so sorry. You look like my friend Sam.
Me: Uhh ok. (Turned white, jetted for the exit).
Hahaha and that fact that he referred to "Sam" as a friend. Balls. So, if any of you people who read my blog receive a phonecall from a creepy French-sounding man asking for "Sam", then you have me to blame for my drunken oopsie.
Young Empires
I feel dumbfounded that I hadn't heard this band before. They are so good and I think I've found my new obsession. Well, not quite - I still lurve me some avocados. Anywho, Young Empire (hot name too) is a Toronto-based trio with an funky, electro, cow-bell influenced rock sound resembling Franz Ferdinand and Two Door Cinema Club (then again, they did a great cover "What You Know").
Right now, they're in beautiful Paris, France performing shows (lame, I want you here now!). Their full-length album Wake All My Mouth releases on the 31st of January in the new year! So keep an eye out for it. Their homepage also reminds me of Urban Outfitters. Their sound definitely deserves to be played in there too bee tee dubs.
Some great tunes by them...
Create a playlist at MixPod.com
Right now, they're in beautiful Paris, France performing shows (lame, I want you here now!). Their full-length album Wake All My Mouth releases on the 31st of January in the new year! So keep an eye out for it. Their homepage also reminds me of Urban Outfitters. Their sound definitely deserves to be played in there too bee tee dubs.
Some great tunes by them...
Create a playlist at MixPod.com
Get up! So precious...
Australian political-action group Get Up
came out (no pun intended) with a new campaign video with an unexpected but so precious ending. Watch here:
Get Up! - It's Time.
This is why I love following AdAge on twitter. Read article heeyah.
came out (no pun intended) with a new campaign video with an unexpected but so precious ending. Watch here:Get Up! - It's Time.
This is why I love following AdAge on twitter. Read article heeyah.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Quote of the Day
"I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries."
- Theodore Isaac Rubin
- Theodore Isaac Rubin
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
FREEwililamsburg.com
I love this site. I really do. I have this on-going romance with that part of BK and I don't think it'll stop anytime soon unless I'm kicked out by the locals, who by the way are dyingggg to meet me every time I get off that L train and make eyes with Bedford Ave. MMMMM yummay.
Anywho, Freewilliamsburg.com is the go-to site for all things...well, Williamsburg! Need to find a hipster watering hole? Go there. Going on a vegan-friendly date with someone who wear personality glasses and TOMS? Go there.
Two things I found that we completely and utterly hipster and obscure were two videos, one for an epic food idea (I hope it actually exists when I have kids - I'm totally making my kids wear plaid and oxfords) and the other was a creepyyy music video that I couldn't help but watch.
College Humor - Brunchables
"Deep in the Woods" - Tennis
Anywho, Freewilliamsburg.com is the go-to site for all things...well, Williamsburg! Need to find a hipster watering hole? Go there. Going on a vegan-friendly date with someone who wear personality glasses and TOMS? Go there.
Two things I found that we completely and utterly hipster and obscure were two videos, one for an epic food idea (I hope it actually exists when I have kids - I'm totally making my kids wear plaid and oxfords) and the other was a creepyyy music video that I couldn't help but watch.
College Humor - Brunchables
"Deep in the Woods" - Tennis
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Sexy Pink Super bass
Every year, I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. I've been doing this probably since junior year of high school. I don't aspire to be a VS Angel but I must say that the show gets better and better every year. Veteran angels make way for rookies and up-and-comers. The musical performances are just #boss, and no offense, but the angels are fucking attractive.
Here is a clip of the finale - it's a musical performance by Nicki Minaj and it opens with my faaaave angel to date: Erin Heatherton. Ugh #sex.
SO HOT!
Here is a clip of the finale - it's a musical performance by Nicki Minaj and it opens with my faaaave angel to date: Erin Heatherton. Ugh #sex.
SO HOT!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Tolerable Douchebags
1. Kid Rock - because he doesn't really exist that much anymore.
2. The guy who predicted the Rapture and failed - because he was wrong and he received massive amounts of shit for it.
3. Billy Idol - because he's over his pissing/spitting/not-giving-a-fuck phase.
4. That guy at parties who thinks he's the shit at beerpong - because eventually he'll lose and beat himself up about it and it's kinda funny watching him lose.
5. Tom Cruise - wait, he's not tolerable.
6. That guy at the bar who gets sloshed beyond belief and tries to have a conversation with you - because you can always walk away without pissing him off; he's too hammered to notice you're gone.
7. The CEO of that company you interned for - you haaaated him while you were there but now you don't really have to worry about him pissing you off for not taking you seriously. You're free!
8. The CEO of that company you're currently working for - you have little to no interaction with him because of your status on the totem pole. And since you don't work with him/her, you can listen to everyone else bitch about how he/she's not as smart as the public thinks he is.
9. Your roommate - when he does annoy the shit out of you for whatever he does, you have your own room to seek solace in. And since you're working, you're not around long enough for him to bother you. You don't really know what it is that he does to bother, but you do know he does bother you. Alas, you certainly don't mind hanging out doing "bro stuff" here and there!*
2. The guy who predicted the Rapture and failed - because he was wrong and he received massive amounts of shit for it.
3. Billy Idol - because he's over his pissing/spitting/not-giving-a-fuck phase.
4. That guy at parties who thinks he's the shit at beerpong - because eventually he'll lose and beat himself up about it and it's kinda funny watching him lose.
5. Tom Cruise - wait, he's not tolerable.
6. That guy at the bar who gets sloshed beyond belief and tries to have a conversation with you - because you can always walk away without pissing him off; he's too hammered to notice you're gone.
7. The CEO of that company you interned for - you haaaated him while you were there but now you don't really have to worry about him pissing you off for not taking you seriously. You're free!
8. The CEO of that company you're currently working for - you have little to no interaction with him because of your status on the totem pole. And since you don't work with him/her, you can listen to everyone else bitch about how he/she's not as smart as the public thinks he is.
9. Your roommate - when he does annoy the shit out of you for whatever he does, you have your own room to seek solace in. And since you're working, you're not around long enough for him to bother you. You don't really know what it is that he does to bother, but you do know he does bother you. Alas, you certainly don't mind hanging out doing "bro stuff" here and there!*
*your roommate doesn't even belong on this list...simply a filler because the author of this list has slight OCD and needs to work with even numbers at odd times during the day. Weirdo.
10. Your dad - because despite the shitty things that he does or has done in the past, you still love him.
10. Your dad - because despite the shitty things that he does or has done in the past, you still love him.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Gobble gobble.
Happy Thanksgiving to all you bird-loving, meat-eating savages. I hope your days are filled with tryptophan and happy times and lots and lots of grub. I leave you with some holiday laughs...
Billy Crystal & Robert DeNiro
Turkey Chases Reporter (this has great commentary from the stupid woman)
Billy Crystal & Robert DeNiro
Turkey Chases Reporter (this has great commentary from the stupid woman)
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
There is no rock bottom.
Hello! I have resurrected from the blogging dead and am ready to get back into this shiz. Considering I have been busy flying around like a social butterfly, that can't always be my excuse for not taking some time out and shitting on the world. #JOKING.
If you don't know this by now, Thought Catalog is my go-to blog for great reads. And about a week ago, I came across the best article that sums up how I should view life. And of course, I would read this article during a time where I often question why certain things happen to me. But then again, who doesn't question where their life is headed? Feel like you always get the short end of the stick? Been there. Feel like you think you're headed on the straight and narrow and are really getting somewhere with your life only to find out it was all a big joke and you're back at square one? Ha!Been Lived there. Not sure as to "what you're doing wrong"? Right on the money, because yep, that's happened to me too.
We've all been there.
And I think this article is essentially saying, You're not wrong, you're not lost, you're not spiraling down into some deep, dark abyss and never coming out again. You're stuck momentarily; you've taken a different path for the time being and eventually you'll find your way. Like a fluffly, little sheep. Aww...
The article is hopeful, motivating, and downright true. There is no rock bottom. It doesn't exist. At all. And looking back on all those times where I thought I truly have hit my lowest of lows, I've come to find out I really hadn't. Nor will I ever get to that point. No one will ever hit rock bottom. Everything happens for a reason and I remember one time at work where two of my co-workers caught me crying secretly in my cubicle, they asked me if I was ok. I didn't go into details considering my petty issues were none of their business (Granted, they are great people to work with), I simply responded, "I figured God wouldn't throw these curve balls at me if He knew I wouldn't be able to handle them." But every curve ball that's been thrown my way, I've been able to dodge...slowly but surely. Gracefully? Eh, not quite but I'm getting there.
If you don't know this by now, Thought Catalog is my go-to blog for great reads. And about a week ago, I came across the best article that sums up how I should view life. And of course, I would read this article during a time where I often question why certain things happen to me. But then again, who doesn't question where their life is headed? Feel like you always get the short end of the stick? Been there. Feel like you think you're headed on the straight and narrow and are really getting somewhere with your life only to find out it was all a big joke and you're back at square one? Ha!
We've all been there.
And I think this article is essentially saying, You're not wrong, you're not lost, you're not spiraling down into some deep, dark abyss and never coming out again. You're stuck momentarily; you've taken a different path for the time being and eventually you'll find your way. Like a fluffly, little sheep. Aww...
The article is hopeful, motivating, and downright true. There is no rock bottom. It doesn't exist. At all. And looking back on all those times where I thought I truly have hit my lowest of lows, I've come to find out I really hadn't. Nor will I ever get to that point. No one will ever hit rock bottom. Everything happens for a reason and I remember one time at work where two of my co-workers caught me crying secretly in my cubicle, they asked me if I was ok. I didn't go into details considering my petty issues were none of their business (Granted, they are great people to work with), I simply responded, "I figured God wouldn't throw these curve balls at me if He knew I wouldn't be able to handle them." But every curve ball that's been thrown my way, I've been able to dodge...slowly but surely. Gracefully? Eh, not quite but I'm getting there.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Buy My Love
Why I didn't know who Wynter Gordon was before, I have no idea. But while my roommate and I were trapped indoors during the torrential snow fall and also because we opted-out of going to the city Saturday night dressed as scantily clad peacocks (I'm kinda sad we never got to fly), we read some good ol' fashion Thought Catalog! And for being a minimally-designed blog, I couldn't help but notice the latest Victoria's Secret video ad on the side. Half-naked models dancing around and laughing about how their boobs can look bigger than they usually are? Coot. I guess. But Wynter Gordon's song was playing in the background and I liked it :)
You're probably more familiar with her song featuring David Guetta called "Dirty Talk."
Here's the trollopey ad...
Let us dance in our undies because we are skinny bitches.
You're probably more familiar with her song featuring David Guetta called "Dirty Talk."
Here's the trollopey ad...
Let us dance in our undies because we are skinny bitches.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
What goes through my head during a massage and facial.
Oh, wow it's really nice in here. Oh, cool! Magazines. Blah, blah, blah, ugh what the hell I just want my massage. Nah, I don't want anything to drink I'm okay. Haha this masseuse has an accent and a lot of makeup on. Her face is spotless. Wow. Umm is she gonna like let me strip in privacy? Go away now, leave me be while I get nekkedddd for this blissful experience. Oooh this bed thing is pretty cushy. I can't really breathe properly with my face in this hole. Hahaha "in this hole." So foul. Oh, here she comes. Yep, I'm ready, lather me up in oil. I hope your hands aren't cold. Oh, that feels nice. Mmm. Okay, you can go a little harder - I like it rough. No really, I do. What the hell? Swedish massage? Yeah, whatever, that's fine I just want you to really massage the shit out of my used up body. My body is aching and my muscles are sore. It's been a while since I got a massage. I do a lot of yoga and I run too. I'm fucking sore, bitch! Hurt me! Ugh, I need to go back to Bali. This massage oil smells like shit. But she smells kinda good. I wonder what she's wearing.
K, your hands are getting a liiiiiittle too close to my nether region. Whoahhh. Oh, I'm supposed to flip over. Okay. Shit. Don't looooookie. Ugh. Huff. Goodness I'm tired from turning onto my back. Ps: I'm hungry. Wow I didn't notice the decor of this room. But like can we put at least a dimmed light? It's kinda dark in here - that makes me feel sketched out. Am I gonna die? The ceiling is clean. Oh, that's nice wall decor! Wow that mirror is funky looking. Eww, I feel weird turned on my back. Don't make eye contact. Eh, I can feel her eyes on me. Just keeping looking at the ceiling. I'm getting so fucking tired. I wanna close my eyes but that feels weird. I can see up her nose. Lemme just stare at this one corner of the ceiling. Oh, other side okay cool. Good, because this is getting awkward. Hmm what should I do after? I definitely don't wanna stay around New Gross. It's kinda nice out maybe I can go to the city? Hmm Williamsburg on a Saturday afternoon, that sounds promising. I should do more yoga. Oh! Tummy rumbles. Hungah pains. Games. Shames. Lames. Cranes. Trains. Plains. Planes. Plantains...Oh, are we done? Oh, right the facial. Got it. Okay, no I'm fine I'm not thirsty. I'm hungry. Where the fuck are some lotus spa flowery foods? Can I at least get a mint?! Some bee pollen?! That's healthy right? Nice, some silence. Mmm I can close my eyes while she's gone.
Oh, you're back. Ugh great. I'm kinda nervous about this facial thing. I've never gotten one and I don't want you scraping my face off or burning my skin with acidic solutions that melt my pretty face away. Ok, well I do use moisturizer everyday after I shower. Oh, oily huh? Hmm, yeah I don't use a toner. Yeah, I don't use a scrub either. Nope, just soap and water but it's that cool acne/blemish fighting soap by Aveeno. It dries my skin out. Oh...yeah, well I don't have money for that kind of regimen. Okay, thanks for the advice. I'm still gonna use my moisturizer. Okay, so you're gonna mummy-wrap my face first? Interesting. Umm it's tough to breathe but no worries. Beauty is pain right? This steam is making it really hard to breathe. Why is my back kind of sweaty? Great, I'm in a cold sweat right now. Perfect. No cucumbers? Dammit, so it's not gonna be like it is in the movies. Then what the hell am I paying for? Ten minutes?! Ten minutes with this steam shit and mummy mask on? Oh, c'mon I'm hungry! Fine, go leave the room. I don't need this. I wonder how Marykate is enjoying her spa thing. I bet her spa lady gave her treats. What a bitch. My butt itches. Huff, much better.
Oh, thank Godddd you're back, I'm getting antsy and claustrophobic in this mask thing. Wow, my face feels rejuvenated already. Is it still on? How do I look? Hmm this is creamy and lotioney. Oh, this is nice...ah! a little cold. Yeah, you rub that shit into my face. Oh, umm what is that? What are you doing to my face? No, seriously what the fuck are you rubbing on my face?! It's like a mini-metal detector you keep rubbing over my skin. Ouch! It zaps! Are you hunting for gold or something? Not on this beach, bitch. Stop that. It actually felt kinda cool. Okay, do it again! Ohhh, now this is scrubby and rough. Nice, I'm assuming it's a scrub. Try not to scrub my tan off. I tan really well during the summer. You're so gentle when you wipe that shit off. I just wanna keep moving my face. It felt trapped for a while.
Ohh, you call it extracting blackheads. Ha. More like poppin' zits to me! Yeah, my nose is a problem area. Ouch. Umm okay, Jesus that kinda hurts. Now, you're just trying to pop baby ones that haven't hatched yet. Okay, seriously is this almost over? I wanna go home and eat something. Oh, you found the mother ship. Yeah, that shit ain't gonna stop. Streaming white head right there. That one I don't bother touching anymore, it just won't go away. Wowwww, I can already feel myself bruising. Jesus, why won't it stop?! Did you get it all? Okay, good. Oh, great another cream. This one smells better than that other shit. Hoofta. Mmm, make sure to get under my chin. Yup, you got it! Yeah, thank you thank you thank you. No go away and let me meditate slash put my clothes back on.
Mmmmm I love a nice stretch. I feel good! Where the hell did she put my clothes? Oh, there they are. It's chilly in here. This mirror has like forty hundred baby mirrors in it. How the hell can I see my new face? Oh, there it is. Yeah, she definitely is gonna leave a bruise after killing the mother ship on the side of my face. Definitely need cover up. Oh, she's texting hahaha. Losah. Thanks so much! Oh, yeah I'll take your card. I don't plan on ever coming back though if I have to pay full price. This was a Groupon gig I hope you know that. Yeah, sorry.
K, your hands are getting a liiiiiittle too close to my nether region. Whoahhh. Oh, I'm supposed to flip over. Okay. Shit. Don't looooookie. Ugh. Huff. Goodness I'm tired from turning onto my back. Ps: I'm hungry. Wow I didn't notice the decor of this room. But like can we put at least a dimmed light? It's kinda dark in here - that makes me feel sketched out. Am I gonna die? The ceiling is clean. Oh, that's nice wall decor! Wow that mirror is funky looking. Eww, I feel weird turned on my back. Don't make eye contact. Eh, I can feel her eyes on me. Just keeping looking at the ceiling. I'm getting so fucking tired. I wanna close my eyes but that feels weird. I can see up her nose. Lemme just stare at this one corner of the ceiling. Oh, other side okay cool. Good, because this is getting awkward. Hmm what should I do after? I definitely don't wanna stay around New Gross. It's kinda nice out maybe I can go to the city? Hmm Williamsburg on a Saturday afternoon, that sounds promising. I should do more yoga. Oh! Tummy rumbles. Hungah pains. Games. Shames. Lames. Cranes. Trains. Plains. Planes. Plantains...Oh, are we done? Oh, right the facial. Got it. Okay, no I'm fine I'm not thirsty. I'm hungry. Where the fuck are some lotus spa flowery foods? Can I at least get a mint?! Some bee pollen?! That's healthy right? Nice, some silence. Mmm I can close my eyes while she's gone.
Oh, you're back. Ugh great. I'm kinda nervous about this facial thing. I've never gotten one and I don't want you scraping my face off or burning my skin with acidic solutions that melt my pretty face away. Ok, well I do use moisturizer everyday after I shower. Oh, oily huh? Hmm, yeah I don't use a toner. Yeah, I don't use a scrub either. Nope, just soap and water but it's that cool acne/blemish fighting soap by Aveeno. It dries my skin out. Oh...yeah, well I don't have money for that kind of regimen. Okay, thanks for the advice. I'm still gonna use my moisturizer. Okay, so you're gonna mummy-wrap my face first? Interesting. Umm it's tough to breathe but no worries. Beauty is pain right? This steam is making it really hard to breathe. Why is my back kind of sweaty? Great, I'm in a cold sweat right now. Perfect. No cucumbers? Dammit, so it's not gonna be like it is in the movies. Then what the hell am I paying for? Ten minutes?! Ten minutes with this steam shit and mummy mask on? Oh, c'mon I'm hungry! Fine, go leave the room. I don't need this. I wonder how Marykate is enjoying her spa thing. I bet her spa lady gave her treats. What a bitch. My butt itches. Huff, much better.
Oh, thank Godddd you're back, I'm getting antsy and claustrophobic in this mask thing. Wow, my face feels rejuvenated already. Is it still on? How do I look? Hmm this is creamy and lotioney. Oh, this is nice...ah! a little cold. Yeah, you rub that shit into my face. Oh, umm what is that? What are you doing to my face? No, seriously what the fuck are you rubbing on my face?! It's like a mini-metal detector you keep rubbing over my skin. Ouch! It zaps! Are you hunting for gold or something? Not on this beach, bitch. Stop that. It actually felt kinda cool. Okay, do it again! Ohhh, now this is scrubby and rough. Nice, I'm assuming it's a scrub. Try not to scrub my tan off. I tan really well during the summer. You're so gentle when you wipe that shit off. I just wanna keep moving my face. It felt trapped for a while.
Ohh, you call it extracting blackheads. Ha. More like poppin' zits to me! Yeah, my nose is a problem area. Ouch. Umm okay, Jesus that kinda hurts. Now, you're just trying to pop baby ones that haven't hatched yet. Okay, seriously is this almost over? I wanna go home and eat something. Oh, you found the mother ship. Yeah, that shit ain't gonna stop. Streaming white head right there. That one I don't bother touching anymore, it just won't go away. Wowwww, I can already feel myself bruising. Jesus, why won't it stop?! Did you get it all? Okay, good. Oh, great another cream. This one smells better than that other shit. Hoofta. Mmm, make sure to get under my chin. Yup, you got it! Yeah, thank you thank you thank you. No go away and let me meditate slash put my clothes back on.
Mmmmm I love a nice stretch. I feel good! Where the hell did she put my clothes? Oh, there they are. It's chilly in here. This mirror has like forty hundred baby mirrors in it. How the hell can I see my new face? Oh, there it is. Yeah, she definitely is gonna leave a bruise after killing the mother ship on the side of my face. Definitely need cover up. Oh, she's texting hahaha. Losah. Thanks so much! Oh, yeah I'll take your card. I don't plan on ever coming back though if I have to pay full price. This was a Groupon gig I hope you know that. Yeah, sorry.
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