I guess this relates to new year resolutions but I had dinner with Stretch (yeah, we be good friends now) last weekend and we were talking about new year resolutions. I listed some of mine that I truly would like to work on: sitting up straighter, being more patient, and not being nice to people who aren't nice back. The last one may sound childish but she said, "Oh, that's a good one." I talked about it further and I think when I talk about things I better understand how and why I do them. I have the tendency of being a smartass. I'm sarcastic, loud at times, and on occasion I have no regard for others even when I should. AT THE SAME TIME, I am a great friend. When it comes down to it, I just am. And for my friends and loved ones, I don't mind going out of my way. I care. I give without expecting nothing in return except one thing: that's that they care right back. If I'm going out of my way to care for someone, I would at least expect the same. It doesn't mean to kiss my feet when I walk into a room all shimmery and gleaming in the light. But c'mon, show a little something.
My motto is "You get what you give" and it holds true: you can't expect to get great things if you're just going to approach life with a shitty attitude and treat others unkindly. Everyone has potential and yeah, one of those things called a destiny but I think now is the time to really put my foot down. This may require patience, considering I usually have a soft spot for shitty people and giving second chances is a choice I give people on my application for "Being in my Life." But when push comes to shove and I find myself back at square one for the third time, then something needs to change. I need to change and say, "Hey, I feel like something is wrong here - I'm being nice to you but I feel like dog doo doo when we talk." Considering I may have to gage someone's personality (we all know people who react/respond differently to how things are said), this makes it a little tough too. But it has to be done (clearly, I'm talking about dating...ugh, why is it so stressful).
I'm very grateful for the people in my life. Sometimes I don't realize that when I'm busy drooling over someone I'm dating. I have full love and support of those people around me who only want the best for me, and those are the people who I should care for and go out of my way for. And more times than not, you realize that you find friends in those who you saw differently in the past. It takes time. Maybe a little, maybe a lot. It takes a lot of understanding, maybe a few tiffs here and there, and some apologies. But most importantly it takes effort. All important things require effort. If you're deemed unimportant to someone then they should expect the same, no matter how difficult it is. I recently made my status, "Don't make someone a priority if you're just an option." I got a lot of 'Likes' for it...that kinda made me feel good. But it's true.
Dating is hard. It really is. But it's not the end of the world if things don't work out. We're used to routine and that may be the same for a relationship - you're used to it. Sometimes, you have to put up with some bullshit to really get to the good stuff. And I'm sure I'm not the only one that looks at her friend group and thinks, "Everyone is in a relationship except me...great."
This year, I try to tell myself that one day, I'm gonna have that. I'm gonna have that relationship that just works and makes me happy. A relationship where I don't have to worry about reading too far into it. A relationship that doesn't make me cry or have doubts. I'll find someone who truly cares and doesn't play games. Everything will fall into place eventually. I just have to be patient.
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