I can't remember the last time I looked up at the sky to see any stars. My dad told me they were out last night. Looks like they'll be out all weekend so star-gazing here I come.
I often wonder about you still. I mean, I can't help it. The wound is still fresh and picking at it now will only have it bleed. I can't help but wonder why still. I won't get any answer, I know, but I can't help but think as to how and why you could, would, or should have done that.
Like you've heard me say before, I'm not mad...just curious :)
We all have a plan of action in life and it's up to us whether we want that plan in motion or not. I don't know what yours was and I may never know. But I do know that you are fully capable of walking away without a sound. Like Pilate, you can wash your hands clean and be done with it. "Not my problem," you would probably say.
And it probably isn't because you can filter what feelings you want to feel and what ones you don't, and I am something you can filter out with ease. My feelings aren't yours so you don't have to worry about anything especially if you don't want to. Right?
You claim to have told many people close to you about me. I have done the same. It doesn't matter what you tell them. I'm not going to meet them anyways. You could tell them that I was the one who stood you up, who didn't respond, that I was the one who pulled away out of nowhere, who hurt you this time. It doesn't matter.
I'm honest with my friends about it. They know how I'm accepting things as they are even though it still hurts sometimes. I don't know what is to happen to the invisible red string we shared. I'm not sure if its broken or still intact and just tangled up right now. Maybe we'll never know. But on these clear spring nights, I'll look up at the stars and wonder.
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