She was telling me stories about her and her brother Eddie, my uncle who passed away almost two weeks ago in California. The coroner said he died of a heart attack. It was pretty sudden, considering he rode his bike the morning he died, and even went for a walk that afternoon.
The last time I saw him was seven years ago when I went to see my family in the Philippines. Uncle Eddie lived in Stockton with my mom's other siblings but he was in the Philippines building his house and wanted us to come check it out. I remember him looking really proud of what he was building. He usually smiled most of the time; he didn't talk much and was very timid. My mom said he just grew up like that - always quiet.
She told me other stories that I didn't know about. About how she put one of my grandmother's helpers (she wasn't necessarily a housekeeper) through high school. About how she helped take care of my older cousin Michael when he was 6. About how she helped her dad get his Visa so he could visit my grandmother in America, and how he died the night before he was supposed to fly to California to see her. So many things I didn't know about before.
I was very touched by that story. My grandmother was homesick while she was in California. My grandmother (or Nanay as everyone calls her) sponsored all of her single children so they could become American citizens. She was out in California with two of my aunts doing that when her husband passed away. I remember my mom and her other siblings telling my grandfather (Tatay) how Nanay missed him a lot. Tatay was a very business saavy kinda guy. He owned a lot of property and oversaw workers tending to it every day. So he really didn't want to travel when he had a lot to do. Mango trees populated the land and sometimes he would have my mom or other people sell the mangoes at the local markets. I really wish I saw how my mom sold mangoes. That would've been funny.
Nanay had been in America for almost a year so not seeing her hubby was very upsetting. Tatay didn't feel comfortable going to America while he had a lot of work to do. But after several people persuaded him to go, he finally said yes. My mom went to this office and that office with him to get his paper work sorted out so he could fly to America. She coordinated his flight, went to the Immigration office to get the okay, and probably bought him a soda on a hot day while they traveled all over the place getting his trip scheduled.
She told me how the night before his flight he came back to their house to say goodbye to my mom's younger siblings who were still in high school. The other kids were in college in the city. My mom had graduated a long time ago and took some time off to take care of the house while her dad worked and her mom was in America. "He told everyone to be good and that he would be back soon," my mom told me.
The next morning, Tatay passed away peacefully in his sleep. As if for some odd reason he knew something was going to happen and that's why he didn't want to travel. As if knew already. That's why that story really stuck with me for the past few days. Nanay was obviously distraught after hearing of her husband's passing, especially hearing about it on another continent. Being filled with excitement of finally seeing her husband after so many long months, and to be greeted by his death from a phone call she received shortly after. I remember tearing up when my mom told me that story.
"He must've really didn't want to go then," I said to my mom, "As if he knew something was going to happen."
Life is full of surprises, both good and bad. Things happen for a reason and sometimes we don't realize those reasons until the surprise is over. I've had my fair share of bad surprises just like other people who've been greeted by unwelcome deaths in their family or other bad news. "He was a good dad. He was very funny and joked around with us sometimes. Even though he was strict he really did love us," mom said after she told me that story.
We often think relationships are strained because of distance or a lack of communication but that's not always necessarily true. People can go months without seeing or hearing from each other but that doesn't change the amount of love they have for us. Sometimes reaching out is a great way of catching up and seeing how someone is doing. I did that over the Christmas holiday. I texted two girls I was best friends with in high school to see how they were. Of course it was out of nowhere for both of them and even though I didn't receive the same excitement from them for hearing from me, I kind of feel okay knowing that I reached out and told them I was thinking of them. Other times, getting in touch with someone after a long, quiet absence can really improve the relationship. I talk to my cousin Blanca in California more often these days. Even though they're quick conversations, I'm glad I'm able to rebuild that relationship with my family out there. I'm hoping to see her sometime in the spring or summer along with my other family members I haven't seen in almost ten years.
I may be seen as someone who doesn't keep in touch that well but then again who doesn't?! So if you're one of the few people reading this, you're probably wondering "hmm I wonder if Jules ever thinks about me when she's not thinking about food, Brittany Snow or how many miles she has to run tomorrow." If you've crossed my mind, and I'm sure you have, then feel good knowing I am thinking about you. We'll catch up soon :)
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| Rest in peace Uncle Eddie. May 25, 1954-January 2, 2013 |
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