Summer is the season to leave your inhibitions at bay, enjoy the hot, sweaty sunshine with your breast frans, and kiss strangers without giving a shit. Just don't get mono. Summer concerts, barbecues, rooftop hangouts, getting tan, beachin' it, BONFIRES, sandy sex (I wonder if summer is when the cocktail Sex on the Beach was created), watermelon grins, ice cold brewskies, tank tops, shorts, flippy floppies, and leaving the hair straightener 'OFF' all season because beach hair is more sustainable in humidity. I'm sure there are other terms associated with the sweet, sweet summahtime...but my job doesn't offer summer Fridays so we're not gonna talk about it, k?!
Essentially, summer is when you can give a huge middle finger to reality. "Hey, what's up real life? How've you been? Yeah? Winter did suck because being that frostbitten for four months isn't fun. And the springtime? Well, it's nice but those flowers and bees and pollen flying everywhere isn't doing wonders for my allergies. But the SUMMERTIME? Yeah, that's my jam! So I'm gonna do that for a few months before I have to start looking more put together in the fall. Peace, bitch."
Vacations and roadtrips, camping excursions and visiting old friends. Seeing new places out of spontaneity, hanging out at beer gardens and vegging out on a towel with sand in your crack...that's summer.
I remember last summer. Huff. It was fun but full of a lot of uhh...hmm...exhaustion? Recklessness? Car totalling? No sense of self? Well, a little sense of self but Jesus Christ it was tough. TOUGH. Huff.
But after last summer I used to think, "Man, I hate this season. It brings back so many unwanted memories and situations and toxicity. I don't want to do that again." I was confused and crazy. Still am a little. I cried a lot. I hated people. I did everything and anything to get my mind of what was consuming it. Not a great way to deal with things.
I'd still consider myself a little like my last summer self. Just a bit more vocal. A bit more wary and cautious. Cynical. Kind. Hopeful. Still a bit confused. Scared. Thankful for the help I have and receive. Probably a little more emotional. A little more anxious. A little bit broken, closed off. A few pounds lighter. Spiritual definitely. I try more. I try to be a lot more patient and a little less negative. It's tough sometimes. But it was enjoyable to say the least. I was happier this year. I was heartbroken too. I guess the two balance each other out. I don't know really know right now. All I know is that this summer was a little better than last year. I still had the same amount of fun just with much more heat in the air. I grew a little. Not by much but enough to accept and notice change. Trying to accept change still.
And now that summer is over. Part of me is dreading the fall. I have so much to learn and I guess to look forward to?
We shall see.
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