Things I'd Do For You If I Loved You

Now to clear things up, this is an unofficial list of different things I'd do for you if I loved you enough to do them. Primarily for someone I loved and dated simultaneously but I mean, I'd do this for a few good friends too!

1. Skip lunch to pick up your dry cleaning.

2. Drive to Kinko's if you needed an important document sent and you were without the capable technology to do so.

3. Wear a cheesy, Christmas sweater with you to your family's holiday gathering. Besides, Christmas sweaters are sexy.

4. Shell out hundreds of dollars on the most expensive cheese burger just so you would stop crying about being hungry and craving a burger but didn't want to go to McDonald's, Burger King, or Zip's.

5. Cook/make you a meal that is not particularly my favorite (i.e. hard boiled eggs - I would peel them for you too...with a grimace on my face. But still, that's love).

6. Wax your butthole.

7. Take the last train into the city if you really wanted me to.

8. Try not to roll my eyes when you want to watch something stupid on TV.

9. I would "serenade" you with my unqualifiable-for-American-Idol voice. I truly believe I'm tone-deaf.

10. Stay with you in the bathroom if you were sick from food poisoning/drinking/stomach virus/etc.

11. Go with you to the doctor's office even if it was something minor like a papercut or scraped knee.

12. Dress your wound even if it was something minor like a papercut or scraped knee.

13. Baby you when you wanted to babied. Even though I'm not naturally like that.

14. Cradle you like a silly child.

15. Let you fall asleep first if you were afraid of the dark.

16. Let your parents stay with us if for some reason their home died due to a natural disaster or they wanted to save some dollas on hotels and shiz.

17. Let you have the last bite of whatever we were eating.

18. Share one of those stupid milkshakes with you like we were at some 50s-themed diner and sip out of two straws looking into each others eyes. Ugh.

19. Give you a lapdance*
*This, however, will take a lot of practice and confidence in my abilities before I conjure up the courage to do this sexy deed. Meow.

20. Say "sorry" even if I don't have to. 

21. Let you sleep in the bed if we got into a huge fight and didn't want to be around each other, forcing me to sleep on the couch. 

22. Remind you every day that I love you even when I'm being a huge, crabby bitch and not in the mood.