I cry for a lot of different reasons - when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when music just hits me, when reality sets in, when I fall (figuratively and literally), when I'm overwhelmed, you know...basically whenever. Not saying that I cry on cue. I'm not an actress. Don't argue with me.
Here are some incidents when I've cried for different reasons (yayyy story timez)...
Happy: when I won my first gold medal in crew freshmen year. We were in an 8 boat and it was the first race of the spring season. We put in the work all winter long, we welcomed new rowers into the boat when others quit, and being in a boat with 8 other girls (coxswain included), we butt heads at times. Although we only were in a race with a boat from Fordham, we were a tad bit worried because in the fall season the same boat beat us with ease. With heads looking forward, we left the start almost immediately as the official yelled, "Attention row!" It seemed like the other boat didn't even try but I remember we all put in 100%. It was our first time racing together in this line-up and it was also our coxswain's (love you, Tor) first time...coxing (sp?). After we crossed the finish line, I sighed this sigh of relief and kind of, to myself, started to whimper for a good minute. A dry cry I guess this was. I don't know, I just remember being overcome with emotion. Everyone in the boat was screaming with excitement whilst huffing and puffing after an 8-minute sprint. Although it was one of only two gold medals in my entire rowing career, it was still amazing to know of what I, and my crew, were capable of doing. Get ittttt.
Sad: Okay, so this isn't the only time I've cried when I was sad. But at one point or another, everyone who lives in New York City, has to have had a New York Street Cry. I've had many a NYSC (I'd say about 3 or 4) and it's usually because I'm...sad. One instance where I had a NYSC was when I was dating someone last winter. I felt like I was being pushed and pulled like a cat damn ragdoll, someone's play thing. I was on the Upper East Side hanging out at a bar that one of my friends worked at. I hung out there and then decided to leave. I didn't get a text back from the person I was seeing so I left and decided to walk thirty blocks back to Grand Central. I needed the walk. And on this walk I cried. At one point I even called two of friends. When I was on the phone I even pulled out my phone charger and found an outlet on a corner and stood there charging my phone and crying. Wahhhhh, why me?! What the fuck! Why are people so mean?!?!?! etc. etc. Yes, people walked by and stared and probably thought, "Jesus Christ this bitch is wastedddd." But I wasn't. I was just sad and having my street cry. Don't judge.
Shocked: The first time I lost someone really close to me was in March 2011 when my Mommom passed away. At first it seemed like a total blur. I knocked on Gi's door and gave her my phone and asked her what it all meant. I was shaking and I started to cry and she held me because she knew what it meant. "Call your mom. And I'll tell MK you're not going to your internship," she told me as I calmed down. It was also my parents' wedding anniversary, which made it seem worse. I called my mom's cell phone and my dad picked up. I could hear his voice shaking - they were on their way down to slower, lower Delaware to the hospital where Mommom was staying. He told me not to drive home until the day after because he was worried I wouldn't be able to drive being in such a state. I remember making an emotional online purchase - Katy Perry black shatter nail polish and three other colors along with it. My friend Tori slept over that night and twin brother* Brizz came over that night and we all hung out. The shock of losing my Mommom didn't sink in for a few months after that.
*brother in a figurative sense. We share the same birthday. I like it.
Overwhelmed: College senioritis. Need I say more? Hunting for a job, finishing up a 20+ page senior thesis, figuring out my next move, finding a dress for formal, scraping the pennies out of my wallet, running on coffee and adderall, realizing that being an adult will not be as fun as going to class in sweatpants*, and still hunting for a job. (Well not anymore. I mean, I got one the day before I graduated. Talk about being down to the wire).
*I didn't wear them to class ALL the time, but there were definitely comfy on those hung over dayz.
Funny: This is the best kind of cry. Two weeks ago I came home from work, where I spent the day on this site and this site, and looked at some more GIFs. These things literally make me drool from laughing so hard. Yeah, I drool if something is absolutely, mind-blowingly funny. Don't argue with me. Oh, and I like to watch America's Funniest Home Videos. GAHHHHH I'm alive! I love to fucking laugh-cry!
Indifferent: This one is still fuzzy. But I guess this relates to those times where you just. need. to. cry. You need to let out a few sobs and wet shit come out of your face (snot included) and just go H.A.M. at it. I turned 23 a few weeks ago and when I woke up I felt like it was like any ordinary Wednesday. When I woke up initially I completely forgot that it was my birthday. Then I checked my phone to receive all of those happy birthday texts and voicemails. I smiled but for some reason I felt somber. I didn't know why. I was quiet and calm as I drove to the gym. I ran and did my ordinary routine and then jumped into the shower in the locker room. No one is ever there when I work out in the morning so I had full reign to have a sob fest alone. I was about to put shampoo in my hair and as I was scrub-a-dub-dubbin' I broke down. My fingers tangled in my hair, I just started to bawl. And I don't. know. why. I didn't feel any older. Nothing new was going on in my life (well, I mean, shit I don't know). This went on for about three minutes. By the time I got out of the shower I felt a lot better. I was welcomed to a decorated cubicle compliments of my boss and a Honey Badger t-shirt. Good day.
Music: I can't listen to Jon McLaughlin's "Beautiful Disaster." I just can't.
All in all, people cry. It's normal. It happens for a lot of different reasons, more than the ones I've mentioned above. You do it and it stops. Until it happens again. It's not bad to cry. Don't argue with me.
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