SDS

In most cases, when learning of something sad, sudden, or unexpected, it can be a lot to process when it first happens. There are so many questions racing through your head. Not just questions, but outcomes too. “What am I gonna do?” What do I do now?” Where do I even begin?” “What if this or that happens? Then what do I do?” And what sucks is that your mind can’t come to terms at that very moment to answer those questions. When something first happens, it’s the initial shock that sets in. No other way to cut it. It’s utter shock or disbelief. Ask yourself, how many times you automatically knew exactly what your next move was when something like that happens. If you knew right away, then there’s no need to read this (unless you’re the type of person who likes to prove yourself right, and to remind yourself that YOU are the best and you are never wrong. What? People like that exist in this world. A lot of them, unfortunately). But if things don’t necessarily hit you until the next day, when you have time to process what has sunk in, I feel you, bro.

I call it Second-Day Syndrome. It’s the second day after something traumatic, drastic, completely unfantastic happens and now you’re stuck dealing with your own shitty feelings because they’ve had enough time to marinate in your brain, heart, and soul. It’s when you start crying about everything. Self-pity sets in, you start feeling overwhelmed thinking about the future, you start resenting your friends for not feeling the same way as you. And you most likely take it out on people closest to you. Basically, your shittiness rubs off on other people, making them feel shitty so you turn into this shit-spreading shit fiend that people will start shitting on since you shit on everyone with your shitty attitude. Shit. Shit. Shit. (Marcia. Marcia. Marcia). I feel you, Jan.

And more times than not, you’re gonna go through this a couple of times. I’m sorry, but it’s true. And as much as I don’t want to tell myself that, I can’t help but have to accept that sad, awful truth. Someone hurt you, Jules. What’s done is done and they’re not gonna take it back.

I remember one instance when I suffered from Second-Day Syndrome (SDS). I was dating someone and I basically wasn’t expecting what they told me. Literally, 12 hours prior to hearing this news, things were completely fine. Or so I thought. “It’s not you, I’m sorry.” Okayyyy, soooo….what does that even mean? No answer.

I think when you hear something similar to that, you start to assume that the situation is not going anywhere but downhill from there. And it didn’t really help that the person I was talking to acted like an oblivious chimpanzee with no regard to anything surrounding her. I mean, not to be rude, but she texted like she had a mental disorder most of the time. Half of her responses were not even statements. “So-and-so texts like a retard,” my one friend said in a group text that I asked for advice one time when I was dating this chimpanzee. But it is pretty frustrating when you ask for answers and get absolutely zero closure or explanation in return. This forces you to wonder for a while, laugh in bewilderment, and just not know how to function throughout your day. You're confused and you don't like it because you're used to knowing answers to most things. But when you have no explanation to answers you seek, you get frustrated. The unknown is scary but life consists of unknown everything.

I mean, there’s really nothing left to be said after something happens in your life and you don’t have time to process it right away and the answers you want you cannot receive. Sometimes the best thing to do is to not even say anything at all; no reaction, just kind of sit and let it settle. Something just happened to you and it was out of your control so now deal with it. Despite it being confusing half the time, why waste time trying to wrap your mind over every possible outcome when the outcome already happened? Whatever, you’re still gonna think about it. The person didn't get back to you, so now you're pissed more than anything. But remember (and I tell myself this too): you're never gonna always know everything. Sucks to suck, but it's true. So why waste time seeking answers from an unreliable source.*

*Another quick story from a shitty experience but I made plans with someone to get dinner and was really looking forward to it. A much-anticipated excitement filled me and from what she said, she was excited too. But then she was M.I.A. and part of me had a feeling she would kind of up and disappear. So when I texted her to confirm dinner the next night, I got no response. Instead of going on an angry multiple-text rant to her, I simply wished her a happy birthday the next day and went on with life even though it was pretty difficult.

So now, it’s the acceptance part that will take time. The deed was done, you’re processing it, and taking it for what it is and not for what it could be. She picked that person, not you. You’re out. She don’t want chu no more. You could literally spend half your day questioning what you did wrong but it really doesn’t come down to what YOU did, whether whatever you did was “right” or “wrong.” People fall out of like/lust/love all the time and you’re not immune from that. I’m not immune from that.

You spend your days seeking solace in people who care about you: friends, family, animals, tree stumps. Literally anything or anyone that will listen to you. You might even bring it up at the hair salon when you’re getting a haircut like I did. I don’t recommend that. Well, I mean, it depends. I felt that I could relate to the hair stylist. We shared our personal experiences in the span of 45 minutes. See? I wasn’t alone! So sometimes seeking comfort from complete strangers is okay. I mean, the odds of you running into them are slim to none. I'm not saying he didn't do a great job on my hair but that place was pretty far from my house, and the people weren't friendly (aside from the hair stylist who cut my hair).

You continue to talk about it until you just stop. Some people who haven’t spoken to you in a while will ask about you and the last person you dated and you’ll be forced to sugar-coat the heartbreak and sadness and put on a face that says, “Oh, I’m totally fine now.” But all you want to do is punch a girl scout in the face when they try to sell you cookies. You want to push through sidewalk traffic when you’re dragging your feet to the train station. You want to spit on every couple that is showing public displays of affection and growl “Aww, so coot” under your breath sarcastically. You want to be miserable and annoyed and crabby for a while. But after a while it just gets tiring.

Why be mad at other people for having things you don’t have yet? You know that won’t change anything. What happened, happened already. Being upset won’t make it any better.

I believe that every person is entitled to feel whatever they feel. We are never wrong for feeling hurt no matter how miniscule the issue was. I’m sensitive but I’m also an asshole. An irrational one. I’ve learned and still am continuing to learn how to just quit while you’re ahead. Beating a dead horse will not get you to your end result. The horse is dead already anyways. So don’t expect it to wake up. I don’t know what I’m saying but I guess if whatever is still bothering you won’t change things in the future, then just walk away and leave it alone. Because eventually it’s going to disintegrate into dust kind of like a horse corpse. Gross, I know. But you can’t change the fact that someone changes how they feel about you but you can change your outlook on it. Blessing in disguise? Yeah, maybe!

So, although I have my days where I think about the past and get sad about it, I eventually think about something else like what I’m going to eat for dinner, what my plans are for the weekend, or what’s on TV that night. And I KNOW this won't be the last time I experience SDS. But each time it happens, it'll get a little easier; it'll be shorter than the last time. It’s a learning process and I’m not the only person who wants to spit on cute couples in public just because I want to be a cute couple with someone in public. But each day only lasts 24 hours. And that second day will eventually end and become a new one. The second-day syndrome will cease and a new day will dawn. And another day. And another day. You will think less and less and less of what happened to you. And eventually, you’ll look back at that day long ago and say, “Damn, that was funny” while you’re with that person being a cute couple in public.